Audio Update Transcript

Republican Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott came out of his shell last week at Senator Strom Thurmond's 100th birthday party, announcing that things would have been a lot better if Thurmond had been elected president in 1948.

For those who don't know, Thurmond ran on the Dixiecrat platform in 1948, a platform that was opposed to the social intermingling of the races. In other words, members of the Dixiecrat platform probably only enjoyed the first part of the movie, "Roots".

But surprise, surprise, this isn't Lott's first show of bigotry. In 1980, he and Thurmond spoke at Bob Jones University, an institution that has long been known for not allowing interracial dating. I guess they never got that Abe Lincoln memo. In 1980, Lott was a little less subtle in his speech, saying, "Racial discrimination does not always violate public policy". He then followed it with the same remark he made last week. What a guy!

Now, you may be asking yourself, "Where's the joke, Paul? Don't you normally do a joke about now?" Well, I think Lott's enough of a joke for all of us, don't you think?

Male salons have been opening all over the country, with the fellas getting special treatment usually only reserved for the ladies. So now, men can get a facial while watching the game on TV. But the single facial will cost them around $40 at a male salon, while websites like teencumsluts.com can give men a whole month's worth of facials for only $29.95.

The Federal Communications Commission is reporting that 70 percent of 911 calls made from cell phones are unintentional. To solve the problem, cell phone companies are including information with monthly phone bills to tell their users that THEY'RE A BUNCH OF GODDAMN IDIOTS!

And finally . . .

A 61-year-old Italian woman jumped to her death from the Leaning Tower of Pisa this week. The death has been ruled as suicide. Police said the woman had been suffering from an illness, but they refused to say what the illness was.

Oh, I don't know. Maybe it was depression. Not sure. Just . . . just a hunch.

Well, that's all for this week. Join me next week, when I swallow an entire tube of Bengay, with comment from Andy Rooney. See ya then.

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