Archived Drinks
April 30, 2004
To show your gratitude for the fallen in Iraq, why not drink down an American Flag shot. If you mix it right, it will be layered with the colors red, white, and blue.
1 part grenadine
1 part creme de cacao
1 part blue curacao
Pour in the grenadine first, then the creme de cacao over a spoon, and then the blue curacao, also over a spoon. It should taste like a chocolate-covered cherry.
April 23, 2004
I'm going to see Something Corporate in concert Saturday night, so to hell with this mixed drink crap. DRINK GUINNESS. It's just that simple, folks. It's not only good, it's also good for you and has the same carbs and alcohol content as a light beer.
Ingredients:
Directions: Open the can, pour it into a glass, and enjoy.
April 16, 2004
I've always wanted to try "grog", because I always thought it was some pirate-type moonshine drink from the old days. Then I found out grog was just rum diluted with water. Lucky for us, the person who invented the drink "Navy Grog" didn't know what grog really meant either.
1/2 oz. light rum
1/2 oz. gold rum
1/2 oz. dark rum
1/2 oz. grand marnier
1 oz. grapefruit juice
1 oz. orange juice
1 oz. pineapple juice
Fill a glass with ice, pour in the booze, and then pour in the juice. Then sit around making pirate-esqe remarks like "Arrrghh" and "Shiver me timbers".
April 9, 2004
Can you believe there are no drink recipes named after Passover? Unbelievable. Luckily, there's a drink called "Whop Me Down Sweet Jesus". That's kind of like Passover. Kind of.
1 oz. vodka
1 oz. gin
1 oz. light rum
1 oz. tequila
1 oz. triple sec
2 oz. blue curacao
splash of sour mix
splash of 7-Up or Sprite
Blue going down, and blue coming up. Man, I'll bet this drink tastes like total ass.
April 2, 2004
It's getting close to finals time for students, so here's a drink recipe that will keep you all night. In fact, it's called "Up All Night".
1 can Red Bull
1 shot JŠgermeister
Pour the Red Bull into a glass, and then drop in the shot. Drink. Repeat until you actually start thinking Red Bull tastes good.
March 26, 2004
Holy crap, Kate has come through with the perfect drink recipe for summer. The warm weather has come in a huge burst this week, so it's time for a Baileyfloat.
1 oz. Bailey's Irish Cream
10 oz. root beer
Fill a frosted beer glass with ice, and then add the Bailey's and root beer. Stir.
March 19, 2004
It's funny, because I always loved getting a Cherry Coke at restaurants where they actually put a cherry in it, but I've never thought of doing this with liquor. Why not take a Coke and mix it with a cherry-flavored liquor? It's genius! The "Cherry Martinsen" is a great idea that I wish I had thought of first.
4 oz. cherry brandy
8 oz. Coca-Cola
1 cherry (optional)
Pour in the brandy, pour in the Coke, and then squeeze the cherry lightly and soak it in the drink. Then send me $40 and a tin of homemade cookies.
March 12, 2004
If you're a fan of grape soda, this drink is like having a grape soda kick you square in the ass. It's called "Grapeschlager", and it tastes damn good.
1 part Goldschlager
3 parts grape soda
Pour the Goldschlager over ice, and then add the Grape Soda. Stir it slightly and enjoy. This drink is one of the rewards that come when you're almost out of liquor and soda, and you desperately mix the last two things you have available.
February 27, 2004
In honor of Aaron Brown, who looks like a smelly Eskimo in his column picture, today's drink is a "Brain Fart". It's a harsh drink that almost matches the smell of Aaron Brown.
1 part Everclear
1 part Smirnoff red label
1 part Mountain Dew
1 part Sundrop soda
1 part run
Few splashes of lemon juice
Mix all the ingredients together slowly. And gently. Add ice. Then enjoy. I SAID ENJOY, DAMNIT!
February 20, 2004
Here's a drink from Kate called Laidback Limeade. This drink will be especially good if your area is warming up after weeks of below zero weather.
1.5 shots of Jack Daniels
1/2 shot of triple sec
1 shot lime juice
6 oz. lemon lime soda
Put the Jack Daniels and triple sec in a large glass before adding ice and the lime juice. Fill the rest with lemon lime soda. Add sugar if you want.
February 6, 2004
Southern Comfort is tasty, and I think it should be used in more drinks. Most people just mix it with Mountain Dew, but there are many other ingredients that go well with SoCo. Cyber Smoke is an example of a good SoCo cocktail.
1 oz. Southern Comfort
1/2 oz. lemon vodka
3 oz. orange juice
If you can find a small piece of edible dry ice, that will make it smoke. Then people will think you're neat . . . or that your drink is on fire.
January 30, 2004
You know what's a great name for a drink? A "Smurf Fart". Suprisingly, this drink is also supposed to be pretty good. It tastes like blueberry cream, which I imagine is what one of Smurfette's farts smell like.
1/2 oz. blue curacao
1 oz. blueberry schnapps
splash of cream
Pour the ingredients in and enjoy. On a side note, make sure to never masturbate to Smurfette. It'll make your weiner turn blue.
January 9, 2004
It's time for a classic drink. Something you're sure is tasty. How about a Vodka Sour?
1 part vodka
2 parts sour mix
1/2 tsp. powdered sugar
If you make more than $75,000 a year, garnish it with a lemon and a cherry.
January 2, 2004
New Year's may be over, but the weekend is here, and it wants attention, too. Since you already have a hangover, why not add to it, ten fold? Here's a drink called a "Black Velvet", which involves mixing beer with champagne.
5 oz. Stout
5 oz. champagne
Pour the stout into a champagne flute. Add the champagne carefully, so it doesn't mix with the stout. This is actually supposed to be really good, but I imagine the effects of it the next morning will be similar to having a fat man sit on your face until you die from suffocation.
December 19, 2003
I think a drink called Dickhead's Delight is appropriate for today. It's a weaker drink, but a good one for the ladies.
1 oz. Kahlua
1 oz. rum
4 oz. chocolate milk
1 splash whipped cream
1 pinch cinnamon
Mix the liquor and the chocolate milk, and then top it with whipped cream and cinnamon. Then, when you wake up hungover the next day, you can sit around drinking the rest of the jug of chocolate milk.
December 12, 2003
I'm in the Christmas mood, so I'll give a Christmas drink recipe. If anyone knows any better ones, let me know. This one's called a Mistletoe Martini.
4 parts vodka
1/2 oz. Melon liquor such as Midori
Splash of grenadine
Mix the vodka and melon liqueur in a martini shaker. Strain into a martini glass. Add grenadine. The grenadine will sink to the bottom of the glass making the drink red and green.
December 5, 2003
It's freakin' cold. This booze-filled hot chocolate drink should fix that. It's called a "Dreamy Winter Delight".
2 oz Irish cream
6 oz Hot chocolate
Amaretto
Add the Irish cream to the hot chocolate, and then add amaretto to taste. Try not to burn the roof of your mouth, you drunk bastard.
November 27, 2003
Thanksgiving was yesterday, but that doesn't mean you can't still use it as an excuse to get wasted. I've even gone so far as to find a Thanksgiving drink recipe for you. It's called a "Turkey Trot".
2 parts cranberry juice
2 parts 7-Up
1 part Wild Turkey liquor
Stir it up, take a drink, and then sit back and try to figure out how you got dysfunctional enough to actually be drinking Wild Turkey liquor.
November 21, 2003
This drink's called an "Affair". I'm not sure why, but logic isn't really necessary when you're drinking, anyway.
1 part Strawberry schnapps
1 part Orange juice
1 part Cranberry juice
1 part Club soda
Pour it all in together and mix it up good. Serve it to your married friend at a party, and then loudly shout to his wife across the room that "HE'S HAVING AN AFFAIR!"
November 7, 2003
It's time to give summer one last hurrah. Even though it's snowing in many places in the country, wouldn't it be worth it to give summer one last hurrah anyway? For all your harrah-ing needs, here's one called a "Lawn Boy".
3 handfuls of ice cubes
6 shots of vodka
1 handful of mint
Limeade
Sugar
Put in the ice, followed by the vodka and the mint (fresh mint, the real stuff). Fill the rest of the glass with Limeade, and add sugar to taste.
October 31, 2003
Holy freakin' crap, it's Halloween! Here's a fun recipe called "Pumpkin Pie". It sounds sissy, but it's really not.
1 part Bailey's Irish Cream
1 part Kahlua
1/2 part Bacardi 151
Cinnamon
Shake the Bailey's and Kahlua together in a shaker before adding the Bacardi. Pour the contents into shot glasses, and sprinkle cinnamon on top of each. Then light them on fire. If you drink the shot before the fire is extinguished, then you are a dumbass.
October 24, 2003
Continuing with the theme of drinks with ridiculous names, here's one called "Ostrich Shit".
1 oz. Peppermint schnapps
8 oz. Coffee
2 tsp. Sugar
It's getting cold out, and while this drink has a rather graphic and unfortunate name, it's great for coffee drinkers during that first cold spell of the year.
October 17, 2003
Halloween is coming soon, and we need a good drink for the occasion. "Maggots" sounds like a nice drink, doesn't it? This one might be better as a shot than as a full drink.
1 part vodka
1 part peach schnapps
1 part Bailey's Irish cream
1 part Kahlua
Pour the ingredients into the glass in the exact order listed, but do not stir the drink. Once the ingredients are in the glass, lightly shake it. Apparently, it will look like a glass full of maggots. Because we all want to drink that. Enjoy.
October 10, 2003
This week's drink recipe is by far the creepiest one I've ever printed, but since Halloween is coming up, I figure it's fitting. It was recommended by Ian of Bloomington, Minn. and it's called "Sea Monkey Sling".
1.5 oz. gin
2.5 oz. sweetened lemon juice
0.5 oz. grenadine
cherry-flavored brandy
100,000 fully-grown Sea Monkeys
Mix together all the non-Sea Monkey ingredients, and fill the glass with the soda of your choice. Top it with cherry-flavored brandy before dumping in the Sea Monkeys. Watch the Sea Monkeys wriggle in pain as the gin and brandy burn them. Then drink it, and enjoy the sensation of thousands of living organisms shuddering and dying in your mouth. This is how God must feel when he drinks the souls of the damned.
October 3, 2003
Holy crap, we actually got a submission for this week's drink recipe. It's from Guy Smiley, and it's called a "Singapore Sling".
1 oz. gin
.5 oz. cherry brandy
1.5 oz. sour mix
soda water
grendine
cherry garnish
Mix the liquor in a glass, then fill it with soda water and top it off with grenadine and a cherry garnish. This is the sort of wonderful drink recipe that makes me wish I had cherry brandy. Or sour mix. Or soda water. Or gin. I do have grenadine, though, for some unknown reason.
September 26, 2003
Today is fancy drink day. It's called a "Mojito", and it involves mint leaves. Yeah, this is what happens to Friday Drink Recipe when no one submits drink recipes.
2 oz. white rum
1/2 oz. lime juice
1 teaspoon sugar
6 whole mint leaves
2 oz. soda water
Put the lime juice and sugar into a glass and stir until dissolved. Rub the mint leaves on the inside of the glass and discard. Fill the glass with crushed ice and rum. Stir. Fill with rest of the glass with soda water and garnish it with a sprig of mint. Actually, screw that. No garnish. I disapprove of garnish.
September 19, 2003
I'm all out of drink recipes, so this week it will be something called "Fart in the Ocean". I'm not sure how an ocean fart would be different from a regular one, but perhaps it has something to do with the salt water.
2 oz. tequila
4 oz. 7-Up
Suprisingly, you can also add a prune to this drink for extra effect. This may be a terrible drink recipe, but that's what you get when you don't send in some. So send in some soon, reader.
September 12, 2003
Well, well, well, you want another drink, do you? Can you drive? How many fingers am I holding up? Eleventy-five? I'll tell you what. If you promise to throw up in the cab instead of in here, I'll give you one more. It's called a "Southern Doctor".
3 oz. Southern Comfort
1 can Dr. Pepper
Mason jar
Mix the SoCo and the Dr. Pepper in the mason jar, add some ice, and you're done.
September 5, 2003
Back in the day, there were very few whores in Afghanistan. When Bush went in after 9/11 and neglected to finish the job, the warlords took over. Now there are no whores in Afghanistan at all. In loving memory of the whores that could have been had we kept a military presence there, this week's drink is the "Afghanistany Whore".
4 oz. rum
4 oz. vodka
Root beer
Mix to taste. We need more whores, people. We just need more of them.
August 29, 2003
I'm running out of ideas, but here's one for the hottest days near the end of summer. It's called a "Naked Surfer". If you're a guy, and that drink name bugs you, go rent the movie "Blue Crush", and I guarantee you'll no longer have a problem.
1 part vodka
1 part orange juice
1 shot of grenadine
The grenadine adds that extra touch that makes it worthy of the hot ladies in "Blue Crush" (who probably don't actually know how to surf). Remember to add ice. People who don't add ice to mixed drinks are almost as bad as people who masturbate to Sesame Street.
August 22, 2003
Since I normally post regular drinks, I'll try posting a couple of shots today, and see how it goes. The first shot is called a "Kenny", and sounds very light and refreshing.
1 part peach vodka
2 parts Sprite
The second shot is called a "G Bomb", and uses normal ingredients, but combines them to create a shot that's not so normal. This shot is best served cold.
1 part Goldschlager
1 part 100 proof vodka
If anyone has any cool drink recipes, e-mail them to me. Otherwise, I'll have to keep posting drinks that vaguely reference Kenny G.
August 15, 2003
Somebody needs to send me a cool drink recipe. Otherwise, next week's recipe is going to include gasoline. This week's non-gasoline recipe is called "Less Than Jake on the Rocks". Less Than Jake is the best band ever, so this drink must be pretty damn good.
1 shot chilled Espresso
3 oz. Rum
2 oz. Chocolate syrup
Fill with Milk
Just put one on top of the other in the order shown. This is not the type of drink you're going to want to use to get wasted. But it works great for getting you going at the beginning of the night.
August 1, 2003
Okay, you drunkards. I'm running out of drink recipes. If you've got one, e-mail it to me. This week's drink is called "Modified Cherry Cheesecake". Apparently, it tastes like it's named.
3 shots of vanilla schnapps
1 shot of vodka
cranberry juice
Add in some ice and the shots of booze, and then fill the rest up with cranberry juice.
July 25, 2003
Laaaadies and gentlemen! In this corner, weighing in at 12 ounces, and sporting the worst ingredient list for a drink I've ever seen: "Chunky Monkey"!
3 fingers Kahlua
2 squirts chocolate syrup
1 handful cottage cheese
*(Shake Kahlua and syrup, then add cottage cheese)
And in this corner, also weighing in at 12 ounces, and named after a horrible racial slur: "Porch Monkey"!
1.5 oz. vodka
1.5 oz. grape schnapps
lemonade
The title will be decided tonight! Grab two drinking glasses, create the drinks, and let's get ready to rumble!
July 18, 2003
Let's see here . . . what's left in my fridge . . . Kahlua, Bailey's, Goldschlager, and milk. Can we make a drink out of that? Damn straight we can. It's called "The Gold, the Bad, and the Ugly". What a great name for a drink.
1.5 oz. Kahlua
1 oz. Bailey's Irish Cream
1.5 oz. Goldschlager
Milk
Pour in the Kahlua and Bailey's, then fill the glass with milk, leaving enough room for the Goldschlager. Then pour in the Goldschlager over the back of a spoon. If you leave it for a minute, it'll end up layered. If you're really crazy, you could also include a sprinkle of cinnamon and chocolate syrup. This is the drink that all the champion Oregon Trail players drink.
July 11, 2003
Do you want a drink recipe with ingredients that are nearly impossible to get? Ha ha! Of course you do! I'm printing it because I've always wanted to try Limoncello, and I'm hoping someone in Italy reads this site and will send me a bottle (Hint, hint). It's called "CJ's drink that he made up to find something else to do with the booze he brought back from Italy". CJ thought up the name himself. No, really.
2 oz. Rasberry Stoli
2 oz. Limoncello (potent Italian lemon liquor)
Sierra Mist
Mix to taste. Put everything into a shaker, with ice. Shake briefly and strain into a highball glass. Then cry at how you're mixing the last of this wonderful, hard-to-find liquor with Sierra Mist, you cheap redneck bastard.
June 27, 2003
You want an easy mixed drink? Here's an extremely easy one from Rachel in Madison, Wis. She calls it "da Ghetto Cola". It's very similar to "Paul's Retro Stargate Elixir", which I posted last February.
? parts cheapest available vodka
1 part Mountain Dew
Find the cheapest vodka you can get your "shaking, alcoholic hands on", as Rachel says, and mix according to taste. Rachel guarantees that by the end of the night, your drinks will become 90% cheap vodka. I can't help but agree.
June 20, 2003
I'm exhausted today, which means I'll dig into the grab bag o' drinks and pick one out randomly. Okay, our drink for this week is from Kimmy in Clintonville, Wis. It's called an "Alien Urine Sample".
3/4 oz. Midori
3/4 oz. Peach Schnapps
3/4 oz. Malibu Rum
3/4 oz. Creme de Banane
Splash of Sweet and Sour Mix
Splash of Club Soda
1/2 oz. Blue Curacao
Shake with ice and strain into a glass. Float the Curacao, people. Float the Curacao.
I realize that's a lot of ingredients. As many of my long-time readers may know, I usually try to have mixed drinks on here that are easy for everyone to do. But this is the only recipe I have left. Feel free to send your own in by clicking on the "Comment to Paul" link below this column.
June 13, 2003
Speaking of getting messed up, here's a booze recipe from CJ. It's called a "Canadian Cherry". While this may sound like some perverted adventure to get underage tail, it's really the name of a drink. No, really. I'll prove it by posting the recipe.
1 1/2 oz Canadian whisky
1/2 oz Cherry brandy
1 1/2 tsp Orange juice
1 1/2 tsp Sour
Shake all ingredients and strain into an old-fashioned glass over ice cubes. Moisten rim of glass with cherry brandy and serve. Then drive to Toronto and get some undera . . . no! No! NOOOO!
June 6, 2003
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SOMEBODY SEND ME A DRINK RECIPE. Until then, here's one from the "Dog House Boys" in West Milford, NJ. Do you see the crap I'm forced to print now, reader? Ugh. The drink is called "Dog House Dew".
4 1/2 oz. Vodka
1 part Mountain Dew
1 splash of lemon juice
Put some ice in a pint glass, pour in the ingredients, and stir it up. The lemon juice adds some nice flavor.
May 30, 2003
Somebody has to send in some drinks soon. I'm running out of ideas. This one is for the people who are mad at David Lynch (I'm sure there's a lot of us). It's called "The Mad Hungarian". I don't think Lynch is Hungarian, but it's the only thing I could find with "mad" in the title that wouldn't make you puke. I care about you not puking, reader.
2 shots of Capt. Morgan's (minimum)
root beer
Preferably on the rocks, though it's not required. Of course, drinking will probably only make you more surly. But what's more fun than being surly?
May 23, 2003
Here's an easy one that everyone can try. Just two simple ingredients, and a variation of an old "Mountain Dew and whatever" theme. I don't know what it's called, so let's just call it the "Clown with diarrhea".
1 part vodka
1 part Mountain Dew Code Red
Mix, enjoy, and then laugh about the name "Clown with diarrhea". It's funny. No, really!
May 16, 2003
I'm all out of mixed drink suggestions from readers, so I'll have to go out on a limb today. I found this drink on some random bartending website, and I'm a little nervous. It sounds like it would be good, but I dunno. It's just . . . weird. It's called a "607 Special".
2 shots of rum
8 oz. of chocolate milk
The site labels it as being "from the alcoholics in Room 607". This is either a group of AA people who have fallen back off the wagon, or kids from a Special Ed room. Either way, don't say I didn't warn you.
May 9, 2003
Don't you think it's time for a sophisticated drink? Isn't it time for something classy? Well, nothing says classy better than gin. Or at least that's what I assume, since I never drink gin. Anyway, here's a drink that sounds fun. It's called a "Gin-Dew-It".
1 shot of gin
6 oz. of Moutain Dew
1 splash of Sprite
Juice of 1/2 lime
Put some ice in a regular glass, put in the gin, pour in the Dew, then . . . why am I describing this? Just pour in the ingredients and add a lime wedge to make it look nice. This is a great one after a tough day of work, school, or sitting around the beach ogling people.
May 2, 2003
I had some people complain that the summertime ice cream drinks were making this feature seem like an Applebee's cookbook, so we'll be going back to real mixed drinks again. I'm not a man who is going to be compared to Applebee's twice.
This week's recipe is from Meghan in Spokane, Wash. It's called an "Electric Smurf", and it's her favorite. I think the name sounds like Papa Smurf doing a popular dance, or possibly like the result of some lesser Smurf getting cooked in a microwave.
1 oz. Malibu rum
1 oz. Blue Curacao
Sprite
Pineapple juice
Put ice cubes in a glass and add the Malibu and Blue Curacao. Fill the rest of the glass half with Sprite and half with pineapple juice. Stir and serve. If you serve before stirring, you will die.
I added that last line, in case you couldn't tell. Keep sending in your drink recipes. I'm fresh out.
April 18, 2003
From Mr. Ian Talty, himself: "This is called a 'Cum Shot':
2 oz. Bailey's Irish Cream
2 oz. Vodka
1 oz. Coconut Liqueur
1 scoop of Vanilla Ice Cream
Blend and serve in a cocktail glass. Enjoy your mouth full of cum, you filthy bastard."
April 11, 2003
It's warm outside, and that means it's time to get wasted off a cool summer drink. If it's a summer booze mix you're seeking, a "Snow Blinder" will work perfectly.
2 oz. vodka
2 scoops vanilla ice cream
1 glass lemonade
Put the vodka and ice cream in a blender and blend them up. Then pour the lemonade on top. Damn, that's good stuff.
April 4, 2003
Today's a good day for drinking, isn't it? A good day to forget about your stress, to forget about your worries, and to forget about how some freak who likes women in hair rollers is posting comments about your mother in your website's forum. Yes, it's a drinking day indeed. Here's a simple one called "Absolutely Screwed".
1 part Orange juice
1 part Absolut Mandrin
You can substitute anything mandrin-flavored for the Absolut. I doubt it'll matter. From my experience, any alcoholic drink with orange juice in it automatically tastes like orange juice. You could probably add Bacardi 151 and raw sewage into it, and nothing would taste unusual.
Hey, I'm out of drink recipes again. Anybody have any good ones? I prefer recipes that don't require a lot of ingredients. That way everyone can try it.
March 28, 2003
Today's mixed drink is a weird one. It's called "Acid Rain". It involves Snapple. Interesting, to say the least.
13 oz. Snapple Rain
7 oz. Bacardi Limon
In case you're wondering, Snapple Rain comes in the big huge bottles, like this one. If you want a version you can take with you, just drink a third of a bottle of Snapple Rain, then fill the rest with Bacardi Limon. Then put the cap back on and shake it up. The Snapple perfectly hides the alcohol taste, and is perfect for those with tastebuds like a five-year-old girl.
March 21, 2003
This week's drink is an old favorite of mine. You can rest assured that it's not only easy to prepare, but excellent, because this one is approved personally by me. People have called it different names, but I always called it "SoCo Delight".
1 part Southern Comfort
1 part Mountain Dew
It's sweet and incredibly tasty, which of course means you can get ripped off it pretty easily. Many people don't know the joy of Southern Comfort liquor, and more still mock the liquor for it's inexpensiveness and hillbilly-sounding name. But they are ignorant. I guarantee this one. Get some, and enjoy your Friday night.
March 14, 2003
Since Monday is St. Patrick's Day, you'll be boozing it up extra hardcore this week. So here's another Irish-style drink recipe for you. This is my own special mix, which I call "Lucky Charms Buttplug".
1 super-sized Shamrock Shake from McDonald's
1 bottle of whiskey
Eat half the Shamrock Shake, then fill the empty cup space with whiskey. Mix 'em up good, and when you're done you'll wish you had never heard of this column. No, seriously.
If you're a sissy, you can also use other types of liquor. Vanilla vodka works great.
March 7, 2003
St. Patrick's Day is right on our heels. That means it's time to get some festive Irish drinks. This one is my personal favorite. It's called a Black Irish. It's like a Black Russian, but better.
1 shot of vodka
1 shot of kahlua
1 splash of Coke
Fill to the top with Guinness
No instructions needed, really. Just put all that stuff in a big glass and enjoy. Snoogins.
February 28, 2003
Mr. Rogers wouldn't approve of drinking. But the rest of us do, and we're the ones who have to grieve. So down one for ol' Fred Rogers. I found an appropriate recipe in honor of Mr. Rogers: it's a cocktail called "Imagination".
3 oz. whiskey
8 oz. ginger ale
1 tsp. lime juice
Technically, this recipe calls for rye whiskey, but use what you have. Whiskey first, then add ice, then fill it to the top with ginger ale. Add a splash of lime juice, and you have a very tasty drink.
February 21, 2003
Nobody's e-mailed me any cool, easy-to-do drink recipes, so I guess it's up to me. Here's one called a "Screaming Orgasm".
1 part vodka
1 part Bailey's Irish Cream
1/2 part Kahlua
Make sure to use decent vodka, otherwise the Bailey's may curdle. Use it as a shot or a drink, but for drinks use a lot of ice (Y'know, seeing how there's nothing but alcoholic components in it).
February 14, 2003
While Valentine's Day may be a special day for many, the rest of us are left either going out to empty bars or sitting at home watching "funniest home videos" and wishing for death. So here's a shot recipe (It's better to get drunk faster on a holiday like this one) from Joe in Duluth. It's called a "Red Baron Cement Mixer", and if this doesn't get you messed up, nothing will.
2/3 Baileys Irish Creme
1/3 Lime Cordial (lemon or lime juice works too)
This takes two people, so find a friend who is also "too busy" to have a girlfriend. One of you take the Bailey's shot, holding it in your mouth. The same person should then take the lime shot, also holding it in their mouth. Second person: grab the first person's ears and make like the Red Baron, shaking their head while making airplane noises. Once the first person's ears are bleeding, stop and let them swallow what is now a lumpy and disgusting shot.
February 7, 2003
Let's solve your little problem with a potentially dangerous bout of drinking. Since no one has sent in any real drink recipes, I'll supply a special concoction from my college days, back when I was a goddamn moron. I call it "Paul's Retro Stargate Elixir (circa 1999)".
1 large super-sipper cup
1 bottle Bacardi rum
1 tsp. Coca-cola
Get home from your crappy job around 10:15 p.m., and notice how your roommate and other friends are already drunk, and anxious to leave for the club. Quickly take the super-sipper cup you use at your crappy and horribly depressing telemarketing job, and fill it 3/4 full of rum. Fill it the rest of the way with Coca-cola. On the second time around, fill the cup nearly to the brim with rum, and drop in a few drops of Coca-cola. Drink two more drinks like this, and be out the door by 11 p.m. While walking to the club, take turns with friends drinking out of the handy super-sipper cup. Outside the club, throw the cup by the side of the building. Wake up the next morning with an "Oh my God, why am I such a dumbass" hangover, and marvel at how you somehow remembered to retrieve the super-sipper cup before heading home.
Thank God those days are over. Yikes.
January 31, 2003
This week's drink recipe comes from absolutely no one. I'm so glad that absolutely no one was kind enough to send me quick, easy, and creative drink recipes. It's called an "Andes Chocolate Mint".
2 parts Godiva liqueur
2 parts creme de menthe
1 part milk
Tastes just like an Andes chocolate mint. Daaaaaamn, that's good stuff.
January 24, 2003
Here's today's weekly drink recipe, from Jenn in Minneapolis, Minn. It's called a "Movie Theater Special".
1 small Sprite at your movie theatre of choice
1 of those cute stocking-stuffer-sized bottles of liquor. preferably bombay sapphire
1 showing of "Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, also at your movie theatre of choice
I'll just let Jenn tell you the rest:
You'll need to drink some of your delicious and refreshing Sprite before the booze will fit in the cup. After that, dump in the gin and start enjoying The Two Towers, geek! Because drunk is the only way the movie can be enjoyed. And try not to drive home, unless you are an elf.
I'm not sure what that last line means, but I'm hoping it's some form of nerd talk which will attract more readership. Personally, I'm a dweeb, so the nerd stuff is out of my league.
January 17, 2003
Here's a fine drink recipe from Kate in Superior, Wis. With the random Pee Wee Herman column today, I'd say it's time for a drink with a 1980s ring to it. Enter the "Miami Vice":
5 oz Bacardi 151 proof rum
Frozen Pina colada mix
Frozen Daiquiri mix
Mix the pina colada with 2.5 oz. of the evil rum (with ice), and set aside. Then mix the daiquiri mix with 2.5 oz. of the evil rum (with ice). While the two mixes are still frozen, put pina colada mix, then daiquiri mix in a glass. Enjoy.
January 10, 2003
This week's drink almost won last week's contest. I asked for someone to get me the recipe for a "purple haze" from Norm's in Superior, Wis. Dave from East Bend, NC gave me a purple haze recipe from a bartender's guide, but the version from Norm's uses more ingredients. Norm's apparently also does something called a "bloody frog", which I will add to the contest. Get me the recipe for a "purple haze" or "bloody frog" from Norm's, and I'll give you a free item from the store. Meanwhile, here's the Purple Haze recipe Dave sent in. It's not bad, really.
3/4 oz. Vodka
3/4 oz. Blue Curacao
Cranberry Juice
This recipe calls for a cherry to be added, which seems a bit odd to me. Anyway, if it tastes anything like the one at Norm's, it'll be like drinking artificial grape juice . . . really strong artificial grape juice. Good stuff. Keep sending in your recipes, and I'll see you next week.
January 3, 2003
Have you recovered from New Year's Eve yet? If not, you must be an imbecile who doesn't know how to drink properly. Here's a drink recipe for smart people who know that drinking intelligently doesn't involve taking shots until they vomit against the inside of a closed car window. It's a sick version of a "Black Russian" my friends and I made during my sophomore year of college.
1 bottle 100-proof vodka
1 bottle Kahlua
1 ridiculously large cider jug
Pour everything into gigantic cider jug. Put jug in trunk of car. Take to beach at night with friends. Stir jug with stick. Drink contents while trying not to gag. Two hours later, when police come to arrest you for being loud, obnoxious and underage, throw jug into Lake Superior and run like the dickens.
Keep sending in your recipes. If anyone can tell me the exact recipe of a "purple haze", the kind they make at "Norm's" in Superior, WI, I will send you an item of your choice from the Daily Ramblings Store. Hey, maybe you should tell the bartenders at "Norm's" about this site. If they mention your name while e-mailing me the recipe, I might just give you both free items.
December 20, 2003
Let's make this short and sweet. It's Friday, and here's your drink recipe. Since nobody sends me drink recipes anymore, I'll have to include one I found myself. In the true Christmas fashion, it's "Butterscotch Eggnog."
1 oz. butterscotch schnapps
4 oz. eggnog (buy it at a convenience store)
It works great for people who like to have a little less "eggnog" taste in their eggnog, if that makes sense. Have fun, and remember to send me presents next week!
December 13, 2003
Would you like to drink my super fun time party liquid? Of course you would! It is Friday, isn't it? And not only that, but it's also Friday the 13th. We're running short on drink recipes, but Kate from Superior, Wis. has one to share. She and a friend discovered its wonders during an "I Hate Boys" night. They named it the "Toolkit".
1 part vodka
1 part orange juice
1 part Old Orchard apple passion mango juice
Simple, ain't it? If the big juice companies can make all those new combinations for the good of the people, we here at the Ramblings column can do the same with our booze recipes. And the best thing is with all the fruit juice in there, chances are you'll skip the hangover.
Or maybe you'll end up going to the bathroom for the next three days. I'm not sure. Tell me what you find out. See ya next week.
December 6, 2003
You want a mixed drink recipe? I got one for ya. Or, rather, Jennifer from Minneapolis, Minn. has one for you. It's called "Pirate Tang":
One part Captain Morgan
Three parts Tang
The best part of this drink is Jennifer's description of it, so I'll let her say it in her own words:
With this one, its very important to keep it in a clear Tupperware mixing container so that when people at school or work ask what you're drinking, you can say "Tang" and they won't suspect what a pathetic drunk you are.
Brilliant.
November 29, 2003
I'm at my parents' house for the holiday, so I won't be using this recipe. That's a shame, because it's a good one, from Tom in Norman, OK. The Irish Car Bomb:
1/2 pint Guinness
1/2 oz. Irish whiskey
1/2 oz. Irish cream
Pour the Guinness into a pint glass, then fill your favorite shot glass half with Irish whiskey and half with Irish cream. Drop the shot glass into the Guinness, and you're set. Best thing you've ever tasted. Go get bombed off it and write me letters. With details. See ya next week, ya lazy jerk.
November 22, 2003
Here's a delightful and delicious concoction from jmelchert. It's called a "Tang on Tap".
1 part vodka
1 part tap water
1 part Tang drink mix
Mix to taste, people. Mix to taste.
November 15, 2003
Go get your drinkin' on tonight, people. Here's a pleasant and easy drink recipe, straight from the delightful comic strip at Achewood.com. It's called an "Orange Creamsicle".
1 part vanilla vodka
3 parts orange soda
Tastes like an orange creamsicle. Got it? Good. Send in your own special drinks by the e-mail link below, reader. I'll post one each Friday, so others can get their drinkin' on.
| 