|
HATE Mail!.....Well, all you filthy bitches have been complaining that there's no updates, and so I've finally given in to the public demand. But then I figured, why waste my time writing something, when the dolts and losers who send e-mails to me offer just as much entertainment?.....So here's some interesting letters I've received. Some of the letter writers were drunk, others were high, and the rest were just stupid. I have included all of their e-mail addresses so that you can feel free to harass them as much as you like. Enjoy! I'm very disappointed about how few people voted for Burt Bacharach on your last poll. Do these people not know that he is one of the best average musicians of all time? For shame. I'm very, very sad about the people on your website. For shame. Live it large, Psycho Dave schl0279@tc.umn.edu I'm not sure why "Psycho Dave" wants me to "live it large" or even what he means by that, but I'm going to assume that it has something to do with homosexuality, since he's making references to Burt Bacharach's pole. You are a poo. Mist of Flames mistofflames@aol.com
Why do you look so dumbfounded on that babbling page? Mist of Flames mistofflames@aol.com In regards to your question, Mist of Flames, the reason why I look so dumbfounded in my picture is because at the time I was looking at a picture of your grandmother stuffing a banana inside her rectum. Also, your overweight father was behind the cameraman forcing small children to play with his man boobs. So you see, my facial expression in the picture "on that babbling page" only reflects the vast amounts of pedophilia and vegetable abuse going on in this world today. I like the photo because it's not just a picture of me, it's also an artful statement about your inbred family and their tendencies ... and I'm not a poo. Hello ! Thanks for put link to my site on page http://dailyramblings.com/siberia.html Best ragards! Evgeny evgen@isp.nsc.ru Oooookaaaay. This e-mail was sent in regards to my feature of the month (link above) which made complete fun of him and his God-awful Siberian page. In fact, I even altered his picture to make it look as though he was holding a sign that said "insert dick here" with an arrow going up to his mouth. So either this guy is: A) a complete fuckface, B) someone who really doesn't give a shit, or C) really in fact a homosexual, so that he enjoyed having me direct people to place their penises in his mouth. I'm going to guess a combination of both A and C on this one. (Note: This girl e-mailed me earlier, asking how old I was.) Thats cool my ex is 23 and ways im 15/f/missouri......so what is your sign? Mandy CrystalEyes024@aol.com A 15 year-old girl who dates loser college guys that are eight years older than her. And to think, I always wondered if I attracted losers. Well, my sign is Taurus and you're illegal in every state, providence, country, continent and hemisphere in the world. So NO. Now please excuse me while I go vomit and sit in the shower for a few hours, trying desperately to rub off the dirt that will never wash away. (Note: During this week or so, there was a survey offered, where fans could complete a survey which asked them silly questions that had nothing to do with anything relevant.) -His name is "Poopy" -He's from Superior, Wisc. -I don't have a penis -He likes tapioca pudding -I'm a "cum gargling freak" *Survey responder number two gave the following information/feedback to me: -His name is Jethro -He's from Phillips (I don't know where the hell "Phillips" is) -My penis is in my ear -He'll smear pudding on my buttocks "for the right price" -I'm "awsome" (not "awesome, but "awsome") *Survey responder number three gave the following information/feedback to me: -Her name is Donna -She's from New Jersey -She is not Jesus Christ And you people wonder why I never have more surveys... Your ass sounds very magnificent. Can you send me a picture of it! Joe JoeGlamorous@aol.com http://angelfire.com/nj2/glamorousrock Ummm...no. Dear Paul, You suck hhhaha ho yhea u suck your little nfl is for pussy one of your player is being touch and ouch .. couh i am hurt haha yu little american pussy and fat too hahaha i amke fun of your losers ass Dianne Pierre di.pierre@videotron.ca This girl's either drunk or French-Canadian. Do they teach you pseudo-french how to spell or be coherent over there near Quebec? Anyway, this was sent in response to my "Invade Canada" feature of the month. Apparently, this drunken devil child of Celine Dion is trying to make the argument that the NFL is for "pussy". Really, she's just upset and jealous because she has to live in Canada and speak jumbled English, because she grew up learning to speak a language that is only used in about a 60 mile area of Canada ... or North America, for that matter. July 1, 2001 Dear Paul, Hey, how the hell did you leave out Sarah McClaughlin?!? She's one of the worst communist militant dyke fembot prostitutes in the history of the Canadian crap-o-rama. I just don't see how you passed her up. Good call on Michael J, though. Lots of people miss that one. Please add Sarah McBlowme to the list. Even Canadians know Canadia sucks. That's why 80% of them live less than 100 miles from the US border. How do I feel about Canada? Invade it, burn it, sell it. Scott Phillips, Canadian Destroyer scott@marinar.com So, what you're trying to say is that you don't like Canada, right? I wasn't sure, your letter was so subtle and tongue-in-cheek. I agree with you, Scott. I'll be traveling to Canada on August 11 to see the Warped Tour, and I plan on beating the living hell out of every French speaking person I see. I'll go easy on the people that say "eh" to me by simply punching them in the balls. Anyway, get a load of the letter from this next jerk, Scott. This guy actually likes Canada! I think maybe he's sleeping with Sarah Mclachlan. Dear Paul, While you are entitled to your opinion, I disagree with you (Editor's Note: Only uptight retarded pricks start sophisticated arguments with humor website owners). What do you find so bad about Canada (Editor's Note: Everything)- and I am talking about actual issues that matter, not issues pertaining to the entertainment industry. Also how old are you? Your attitude seems to be that of a tennager (Editor's Note: Do Canadians spell teenager wrong too, like they do with "centre"?) if that old. Maybe if you opened your mind to the world and what is going on in it you would see that America is not the centre (Editor's Note: Centre? I hate you so much) of the universe even though you may think it is, and that Canada is a great country. I am interested in what you have to say (Editor's Note: That's because you have no life). Imran Khan snipersharpshooter31@hotmail.com Dear Imran, Maybe if you opened your mind and realized that this is a humor site, not "The Washington Post Online", you wouldn't be so offended by asinine, retarded things. Canada is a country, I will agree with you on that much. But it is a shitty country. What has Canada done that is so great? Nothing! They're not majorly involved in any world affairs, they haven't done anything good or provided opportunities for anyone other than themselves, and they constantly try to compete with American culture. Hence, my joke about the Canadian Football League. Why do you think our dollar is worth more? Why do you think all your famous celebrities move down here, never speaking of their homeland again? Face it, if North America were a gigantic company, Canada would be the one with the job of wiping shit stains off of the toilets with a brush. And Imran, by the way ... don't ever write me a letter with the word "centre" in it again. It pisses me off. Keep sending in more of your letters! CLICK HERE! |
