How much did you spend on Christmas presents this year? Over $200 (generous) $150-$200 (good) $100-$150 (adequate) $50-$100 (crappy) Less than $50 (cheapskate) I don't celebrate Christmas (possible terrorist)   see results discuss in forum

Christmas is only 10 days away. What is your response? Holy crap! I'm screwed!! Thank God, it's almost over Uh oh. Does this mean we missed Hannukah again? Ugh. We're the worst Jewish family EVER Wow. In eight days, I'll have to start looking for gifts (this selection for men only) Who cares?   see results discuss in forum

What's Paul's hair made of? Hair Toupee Nerf foam Just For Men styling clay   see results discuss in forum

Which is worse? Brut cologne Old Spice cologne The smell of a hobo   see results discuss in forum

Who should Michael Jackson molest next? Haley Joel Osment Lil' Bow Wow That kid from the movie "Jerry McGuire" Frankie Muniz An adult midget, because they look young and are legal in all 50 states Other (post in comments)   see results discuss in forum

Who would win in bareknuckle boxing? MC Hammer or Grimace (the purple McDonald's dude)? MC Hammer Grimace   see results discuss in forum

Do you think Paul's really like he is in his columns, or is that just his humorous writer's persona? That's how he really is That's just his writer's persona   see results discuss in forum

Why is your grandma such a whore? Because she sleeps with a lot of men. Duh That's just what girls did back in her day She started watching "Sex in the City", and takes it way too literally She looked up the word "orgasm" in the dictionary, and realized girls are supposed to have them too Because she's dead, and the mortician at the graveyard is a necrophiliac Stop bothering me! Can't you see I'm trying to have sex with my grandma??   see results discuss in forum

What's the best euphemism for "I hurt my penis"? Broke my wiener Danged my wang Wronged my dong Dropped my burrito and stepped on it with golfing cleats Pulled a eunuch This is disgusting, and I refuse to answer   see results discuss in forum

If you could hide anything in your desk at work, what would it be? Booze A nice cigar Two-ply toilet paper Weapons A television An inflatable version of you that would fool the boss so you could go home   see results discuss in forum

Paul is the lamest guy ever. What is the lamest thing about Paul? He's boring He never talks except to make lame jokes He's doesn't know anything He always has a dumbass look on his face He "ain't got no moves" All of the above Other (list in comments section)   see results discuss in forum

Who has the largest head? Paul Ryan Alfred E. Newman Conan O' Brien Colin Quinn Other (name person in comments section)   see results discuss in forum

How's the Daily Ramblings Crapalog? Great! Good Fair Poor It sucks!   see results discuss in forum

Which would you rather fornicate with? Corey Feldman Corey Haim A dead tree stump   see results discuss in forum

1950s education video question: Jenni parks in cars with lots of different boys. Is Jenny popular? Yes No   see results discuss in forum

If x=6 and y=3, what does z equal? 6 9 69 Go fuck yourself Screw this, I'm getting a beer I have a dog. His name is Marv. He likes to eat mangos at the beach. Sometimes, he smells funny.   see results discuss in forum

What's the best Labor Day food? Steak Burgers Hot Dogs Human Flesh Beer   see results discuss in forum

What is currently the most overused "cool word"? Asshat Hella Bling-bling Dichlorodiphenyltrichloroethane Boo Dude Phat Other lame word not listed here (post in comments)   see results discuss in forum

What is Tara Reid's best movie? American Pie Josie and the Pussycats Return of Deepthroat Slopmasters Slopmania 4 Gangbang Girls #42   see results discuss in forum

Where does all that poo go? In our drinking water In our lakes In a big poo factory in Delaware Back in our toilets, 'cause we used too much paper   see results discuss in forum

What's the best thing about women's tennis? The grunting The moaning Anna Kournikova Seeing women playing with balls The way it puts me to sleep so quickly   see results discuss in forum

What did you do this weekend? Nothing (watched television/masturbated) Dreaded going back to work on Monday Ate at Olive Garden, wished for death Broke own record for longest hangover Tried to avoid eye contact with family members I don't remember   see results discuss in forum

Why do you hate Paul? His arrogance His whining His rugged good looks and fine bottom His liberal rants His tendency to be an asshole The fact that he strips for money in retirement homes and junior high schools   see results discuss in forum

How the hell did you find this site? Search engine Friend recommended it Saw a banner or text ad Found the XML feed somewhere Paul kept harrassing me to come here   see results discuss in forum

What's your favorite crappy beer? Premium Pabst Blue Ribbon Hamm's Camo 24 XXXXX Assorted malt liquor   see results discuss in forum

What is the equivalent of your monthly income? Porsche 911 Round-trip flight to Tahiti Cable TV and generic food items "Celebrity lunch with Gary Busey", purchased on E-bay Pack of smokes and vending machine condoms   see results discuss in forum

Who would do the best Paul Ryan impersonation? Bobby Flay (TV chef) Burt Reynolds A drunk homeless person sleeping in a dumpster Paul Ryan himself see results discuss in forum

Good morning! What type of cracker would you prefer for eating purposes? A Triscuit cracker A Saltine cracker A graham cracker An animal cracker Gimme a beer instead see results discuss in forum

What substances do you abuse to get you through each day? Alcohol Pot Cocaine Crack Smack Speed Meth Ecstasy LSD PCP Opium Nyquil overdose Valium Tranquilizers Codeine Paint thinner Alcohol swab suckin' Glue sniffin' All of the above see results discuss in forum

How many people who visit this website are disgusting perverts? Everyone Almost everyone Not many Just Paul see results discuss in forum

Who's your favorite Goonie? Mikey (Sean Astin) Brand (Josh Brolin) Chunk (Jeff Cohen) Mouth (Corey Feldman) Andy (Kerri Green) Stef (Martha Plimpton) Data (Jonathan Ke Quan) Sloth (John Matuszak) see results discuss in forum

What does your roommate do while you're asleep? Rearranges everything in the house in an obsessive-compulsive manner Farts really loudly, and resists the urge to wake you up and tell you how funny it was Masturbates to porn with the sound off Snorts cocaine and plans own death Tries to get some on Yahoo Chat Poops in your mouth see results discuss in forum

Would you like to see the comic "Mr. Cornelius Watercloset" printed on this site more often? If so, how often? Yes, every day Yes, every other day Yes, twice a week No, once a week is good see results discuss in forum

Why was Daily Ramblings not nominated for a Webby Award? Because Paul uses too many dirty jokes Because Paul's not funny Because Webby Awards are stupid Because the same websites are nominated every year Because poop humor is dead Who the hell cares about Webby Awards? see results discuss in forum

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