November 20, 2003
Gilbert Gottfried Kids Playset:
Hey kids! Print this page out, and have your parents help you cut out Gilbert and his accessories with scissors! Then you can make him do all the things the real Gilbert does!
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1. Gilbert Gottfried. He's all dressed up with nowhere to go, just like in real life! Buy our deluxe playset to get a Gilbert who doesn't look like his feet were amputated! 2. Microphone. Use the microphone to make Gilbert tell bad jokes or deliver sad, drunken rants about how miserable his life has become! Buy our deluxe playset to get a full mic stand, so you can make Gilbert hang on it to keep himself from falling down when he's wasted on stage! 3. Bad Jokes Book. Where else would Gilbert get his material? From a "really good jokes" book? Yeah right! 4. Jim Beam. Uh-oh! It's almost time to go onstage! You'd better get Gilbert plastered so he can face the crowd! 5. Drugs. Oh no! Gilbert's drunk, but he's not quite Gilbert until he's completely disorientated on stage! Drugs will do the trick! Buy our deluxe version to get real hardcore narcotics you can try out yourself! 6. AFLAC Employee of the Month Plaque. For the past ten years, being the voice of the duck on the AFLAC commercials has been Gilbert's only real job! This plaque represents his last remaining shred of dignity! Smash it or burn it, kids! It's fun! 7. Razor Blade. When all the depression, booze, and drugs become too much for Gilbert, use this razor blade to make him slit his wrists and end his own life! Buy our deluxe playset to get fake blood to splatter all over the AFLAC plaque, for a truly symbolic death scene! 8. Gilbert's Dreamcar. Make Gilbert drive from one lame gig to another in his horrendous shitbox of an automobile! It's not pretty, but then again, neither is Gilbert! 9. Gilbert's Dreamhouse. It's been a long day of drinking, downing narcotics, and passing out halfway into his comedy set at the local club! It's time for Gilbert to go "home" to the cardboard box he's now forced to sleep in! Gilbert's box isn't big enough for him to fit in, but he can at least use it to cover his head, so people won't recognize him and piss on his face while he's sleeping! |
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