eau de paul ryan: A Whiff of Success

There are times when a man needs more than "his best". There are times when a man needs more than "his natural talent". There are times when a man needs the best natural talent that only someone more talented than him can provide. Such times are times for eau de paul ryan cologne.

Notice the italics: eau de paul ryan. Notice how none of the words have capital letters, not even the ones that should: eau de paul ryan. Notice the French words that my marketing department obviously didn't understand at all: eau de paul ryan.

It is all this and more which makes eau de paul ryan cologne for men who succeed. While others may say that the smell of eau de paul ryan is "odd", "peculiar", or even "like toilet-cleaning supplies baked in an oven", you'll know what the smell really is. Yes, you'll know it's the smell of genius, the smell of intelligence and the smell of men with hair sticking up near the front of their heads. You'll know it's the smell of eau de paul ryan.

eau de paul ryan is worn by the finest of men, including Paul Ryan and . . . and many others so famous that we can't even list them by name, for fear of impressing the common public to death. Such mystique and vague answers are the essence of eau de paul ryan. Men wearing the cologne have a right to be mysterious and vague as well. When the girlfriend asks her eau de paul ryan man where he is going, the man will reply, "To a place where life shall engorge me with the secrets of its many natural orgies."

After the girlfriend beats the man savagely and asks the question again, in a forceful tone, the man will cower and humbly answer, "To the store to buy milk and bread". But the man will still smell of eau de paul ryan. And the man will remain successful, because he will still be more of a man than the girlfriend, unless she is a transvestite.

Women can't resist the smell of an eau de paul ryan man. While they may remark that such a man smells like "a horse humping a vat of sour grapes and lemon oatmeal", the man will smile knowing that they are tasteless whores with no class. And then he will laugh, because he'll know that his thought is true. He'll know because he is an eau de paul ryan man. The eau de paul ryan man knows all.

Recently, I created a new brand of cologne for the extra extraordinary man. Unfortunately, Tommy Hilfiger copied this idea from me. He is currently selling a cologne named "T", which is a simple shortening of his name. I originally had the idea to shorten my name to "P" and use it for my new cologne, but now I have come up with something even better.

For the name of my new cologne, I have not only shortened my name, I have also elongated the syllable of "P", spelling it as it sounds. This process has led me to the perfect name for my revolutionary new cologne: Pee. That's what the first letter of my name sounds like when you say it out loud. It is truly a trendy name. No other company has a name like this.

So remember: when eau de paul ryan is not enough for a man, he covers himself with Pee. Pee has never been used as cologne before, but that's because it's different. As we all know, things that are different are good. And I think extraordinary men will find that women go wild for the smell of Pee. When modest amounts of Pee are spread along a man's neck, he becomes irresistible. In fact, not only will women enjoy smelling Pee, they may also want to taste the Pee as well.

So take it from me, a world-renowned fashion designer and trendsetter: women love the smell of Pee.