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E-mails, comments, clarifications and random complaints from readers ...................Paul Ryan
Kind of like Livejournal.com. Yecch. On second thought, maybe you should skip the rest of the columns this week. Yikes. Anyway, let's cut the crap and move on to the other crap. Our first letter is from Joe in Duluth, Minn. Joe agreed with my Valentine's Day plan to give women a pack of M&M's and a Hostess ding dong instead of boxed candy (Column 233, February 10, "Valentine's Day blows"). Of course, he's a disgusting pig, but why else would I print his letter? I have something in common with your valentine's day proposal, although I don't give girls ding dongs I give them the Kong Dong, its similar, creme filled and all. Let it be known that Joe said that, and not me. Let it also be known that I'm insanely jealous that he thought of it first. For ladies who would like to experience Joe's ding dong, you can call him at (952) 881-3034. Is that Joe's real phone number, or is it the phone number to a White Castle restaurant in Bloomington, MN? I'm not going to tell. Our next three letters come from various people who congratulated me on my idea to spam the Republican National Committee for their crimes against newspapers (Column 234, February 11, "Fight back against the man using minimal effort! I'll show you how!"). That's right. Three letters. I'm moving up in the world. Let's start off with Ian from Minneapolis, Minn: Paul, you are THE MAN! Your idea to spam the hell out of the GOP is amazing! Lord knows I have nothing better to do all day than dick around on the net at work, and I'll be spending the rest of this week sending thousands of emails to the GOP. Rock on, man!
Ian is what we call The Ultimate Reader WOW, That was fun. I sent like 20 letters in one minute. Thank You. No Jason, thank you. Here's the third letter, from Nikki in St. Paul, Minn: Thank you for your noble public service, sir. Okay, that's enough gloating on my part. It's much funnier when we spend our time talking about prison bitches. Speaking of prison bitches (Good Lord! What a segway!), our last letter comes from Adam in Richfield, Minn. He's writing about the column where I showed people a website that allows you to date dirty, stinky convicts (Column 236, February 13, "A Valentine's Day suggestion for the independent man"). Today's article uncovered an option that had previously been unexplored in my search for a special lady. Thanks so much. A "special lady" is very special indeed. I hope you were a gentleman, Adam, and made sure to keep your hands on your own side of the iron bars of justice. I'd hate to have you displeasing the warden. That's all for this week's letters. Nobody ever sends me letters, so please click the link on the bottom of this page and do so.
The first music spotlight is Damone. They churn out some hard rock, with a touch of punk. They also have a female on the lead vocals, which makes it that much more rockin'. I think they sound kind of like Veruca Salt. Just a note for those who dig this song: you can't buy their album until April. But you can download two songs and a video on their website (Click the link below, then click the picture once the song starts). Feel free to e-mail me with your own suggestions of unknown bands.
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Well butter my ass and call me a biscuit, it's time for letters from readers! I'm tired from deadline day at The Newspaper - which employs me - so I'm going to do a really half-ass job with this. Don't like it? Too bad! As of 7:48 p.m. tonight (when I left work), I have been on vacation. It's my first week of paid vacation ever, so I'll be doing stupid things all day long and telling you about them in this column.
. He takes my hard work and uses it to the best of his ability. I now feel that it was worth staying up until three in the morning, making sure the spamming function worked. Go back and use it again, folks. It's even more fun the second time around. Anyway, here's a similar letter from Jason in Minneapolis, Minn:
