The last column

As said in the title, this will be my last column. As hard as it is to close down this website, the cost both in money and time has become too much. As I said in previous columns, I'm running out of space on this website. Back then, I only had enough room left for a few more weeks of columns and features. My two weeks are up, and I'm out of room.

I wanted to upgrade to the next webhosting plan, which would have given me twice as much space, but Myacen, my webhosting company, jacked up their prices. They also took away the discount they normally give for people who pay for a year of webhosting in advance. So with the upgrade and pricing plan changes, my costs would go from $80/yr. to $227/yr. This is just too expensive.

I would have asked for help, but small donations won't do much when the cost is that high. I'd have to get a ridiculous amount of donations every year, and that's simply not going to happen.

But to tell you the truth, it's not just the money problem. Writing columns and providing humor features every day has also taken its toll on me. I'm sick of staying up until two in the morning trying to think up funny lines for a column, and I'm even more sick of going to work exhausted the next day. This website has also kept me from experimenting with any other form of writing, be it poetry or short stories. It seems I don't have time for anything anymore.

So I'm giving it up. I'm sorry about the abruptness of this, but I didn't notice how little space I had left until I got a warning e-mail from my webhost Monday night. This certainly isn't the valiant way I wanted to end things, but I don't have much of a choice.

I figured it would be best to spend this last column thanking all the people who helped make this webpage work over the past few years. First off, a big thanks to Tom Heuer, the co-creator of the "Mr. Cornelius Watercloset" comic strip. The comic strips are hilarious, and I'm glad I had the chance to help draw the characters and write the scripts.

Another person behind the scenes was Bill Paulson, who let me use the sound studio at UW-La Crosse to record sound for the flash movies. I don't think your co-workers cared for the flash movie where the pretend wiener was jiggling back and forth, but we had a good laugh watching the look of shock on their faces.

A big thanks to Ellen Weathers, too. Those few columns you wrote when I was sick were a tremendous help. I don't think anyone even noticed it was you writing them.

Another big thanks to Stewart Kinnear. Your angry criticism of everything I did, as well as your tendency to stab me in the back whenever possible, have been an inspiration to me since college. I have kept writing only out of spite for you. And by the way, your beard looks stupid.

Finally, a big thanks to all you readers out there, who have made this column worthwhile. I did it all for you, readers, and as a last gesture of goodwill, I'm providing you with one last humor feature. I have just enough room left to run it. Enjoy, and make sure to have some fun in your life. All work and no play make people into insufferable pricks. No, really. Also, keep your eyes peeled for my short stories and poems out there; I'll have lots of time to write them now.