I don't want to say I told you so, but . . .

Most people who know me well know that I'm a fan of Apple computers. Most people I know also ridicule me for liking Apple computers. "They're slow," my friends say. "Who cares if Apple is innovative and produces good quality stuff? They're slow and nobody uses them."

I agree completely. I mean, who cares if Apple is innovative? Innovation couldn't come in handy at any point, could it? Like maybe if that innovation led to the fastest computer chip and the best computer in the entire industry?

Here's the Power Mac G5. The print doesn't lie: it's the world's first 64-bit computer. The computers you and I are using are 32-bit computers. Our computers are utter crap compared to the Power Mac G5. For instance, many computers have 2 GHz or even 3 GHz of processing power. The Power Mac G5 has dual 2 GHz processors, and dual 3 GHz processors will be out in a year.

But the best thing is that the 64-bit chip allows the computer to handle 250 inflight instructions at once; that's 70% more than the fastest PC. What that means is that the computer can reach its full speed without getting slowed down by all the programs you have going.

Think that's cool? Well, I haven't even gotten started. 32-bit computers are limited to 4 GB of memory. My Powerbook, which is pretty damn nice, holds 1 GB of memory. The Power Mac G5 can hold 8 GB of memory. To repeat: twice as much as any PC.

Hold on while I crap my pants.

Hold on while I clean up the crap in my pants.

Okay, the column can continue now.

Here's another fun fact: a fast computer has around 167 MHz of frontside bus, which is what keeps your computer from slowing down when you're using a lot of programs at once. The Power Mac G5 has 1 GHz of frontside bus. That's 83% faster.

There's about a million other things I could mention, like the ability to add 500 GB of storage space internally, and the stylish aluminum alloy enclosure that allows easy access to all internal parts, but I think I've proven my point. And don't even get me started on how fantastic the new "Panther" operating system is.

Oh, and one more thing: the dual 2 GHz Power Mac G5's price tag is $2,999. The slightly less powerful ones start at $1,999. Considering that a 3 GHz (single processor) computer from Dell can cost over $4,000, I'd say Apple is kicking the crap out of them. Sure, you can get a 3 GHz Dell computer for around $2,000, but with the expensive video card you'll have to buy just to get your computer to come anywhere near its top speed, you'll be paying roughly the same.

Speaking of PC's, where's Intel's 64-bit chip for Windows? Oh, that's right. Their 64-bit chip won't be ready until 2005, which will be a full year after Apple releases its dual 3 GHz chip next summer, and probably just before Apple releases something even better that will kick Windows' ass again. *tries to stifle laughter* AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Sorry. At least I only laughed sadistically once during this column.

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