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Look out ladies! Here comes Supa Fly! ...................Paul Ryan
So instead of calling the journalist by his real name, I will hereby refer to him as "Supa Fly". I'm calling him that because this guy is cool. Last year, the exchange journalist who visited our newspaper was nice and all, but he wasn't a pimp like this year's guy. Upon visiting our newspaper, one of the first sentences that came out of Supa Fly's mouth was "Things are too expensive here. Food, beer, and Internet should be free for everyone." I couldn't agree with you more, Supa Fly. Those are three basic human rights that everyone should have for free. Since Supa Fly is fairly close to my age group (I'm 24), my boss decided he should tag along with me as I covered the county fair. As soon as we got in the car, Supa Fly asked where all the hot women were. "They're sure as hell not in La Crosse," I replied. "I have noticed this," said Supa Fly. He said all the women he had seen in Minnesota and Wisconsin so far were "fat cows, girls who go moo." I'm seriously not making any of this up. Like most foreigners, Supa Fly has a slightly slanted view of Americans. He came here assuming everyone is rich, horrendously fat, and that gunfights are a part of our daily lives. Sadly, the poorest people in America are rich compared to Transylvania. As a journalist, his salary is $84 per month. He has to live with his parents, because an apartment in Transylvania costs $100 per month. But as a journalist, he also gets a lot of benefits. If he gets an $80 speeding ticket, he just calls the police chief and the charge goes away. In fact, if he or his friends do anything short of killing someone, they'll probably not have to worry about being arrested. I seriously need to go to Transylvania and wreak some havok. Speaking of Transylvania, Supa Fly has heard all the vampire jokes, and while he hates them, he also realizes that they're a big source of tourism. He says stupid Americans always come to Transylvania because of the vampire folklore. There are five castles where Dracula supposedly spent time. Soon they'll be building a sixth one, and a Dracula theme park as well. "They are stupid," said Supa Fly. "But as long as they keep spending their money, I like them stupid." After walking out of the most boring county fair in the history of western civilization, Supa Fly loudly asked what there was to do in the area, and jokingly asked where the nearest hooker was. The old man walking behind us looked frightened, though that tends to be a normal expression for old people. After returning to the office, Supa Fly finished the day by shamelessly hitting on our high school intern. You should have seen the look on his face when I told him she's 16. It was the same look the old man had.
1 shot chilled Espresso Just put one on top of the other in the order shown. This is not the type of drink you're going to want to use to get wasted. But it works great for getting you going at the beginning of the night.
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A 27-year-old Romanian journalist from Transylvania is visiting The Newspaper
- which employs me - through a journalist exchange program. He'll tour the entire country with nine other journalists, checking out all aspects of the profession and our American way of life. I will not mention this journalist's name, or the name of the group sponsoring the exchange program, for fear that someone from the program will find this column.
