'Those people' have ruined this fine country

It’s not like one would normally think, where a kid grows up in a family that hates certain ethnicities and races, and so that child becomes racist as well, simply because they didn’t know any better. No, it has nothing to do with that at all.

My family was very loving and caring, and taught me the important lessons of life. Lessons like, “don’t set the lock on the bathroom door, close it with no one in it, and then tell your mom how funny it is that now nobody can get in the bathroom”.

Mom had to climb through the window to unlock the door. Thankfully, it was summertime and the window was open, though we all would have been much more impressed if it she had gotten in when it was closed.

But anyway, my parents taught me right from wrong. They taught me to respect myself and to respect others, no matter what they looked like. So you see, it was solely my own experiences with white people that truly made me hate those honkey bastards.

It was just the other day that I was walking down the street, when a young pale-skinned boy pointed at me and told his mother, “that kid’s white”. I’m not making this up. The mother, to my horror, didn’t scold the boy at all. Instead, she looked at me, laughed and said, “Yes, yes he is”. I had half a mind to scream a blue streak at the woman for encouraging her child in such a way.

To think that she would actually approve and encourage such an atrocity, such a blatant lie! How dare they call me such a foul name? Me? White? I hate white people. I realize the kid was just trying to be funny by calling me something that I’m clearly not, but we need to draw the line somewhere. Funny isn’t funny when it hurts someone.

That wasn’t an isolated incident, either. As a sick joke, the woman at the Department of Motor Vehicles put “Caucasian” as my listed race. Please, people. If I want comedy, I’ll turn on the television show “Cops” and watch all the white people getting arrested.

How do people sleep at night knowing that their cruel jokes are harming another person? Why do I feel so alone in this? Calling me white is as ridiculous as calling Conan O’ Brien Irish. Conan never has children pointing at him calling him a leprechaun, with their mothers nearby to repeat the statement and laugh.

Also, Conan (that white bastard) makes more money than I do, which pisses me off even more.

When I wake up each morning, I look in the mirror and thank God almighty that I’m not white. My non-white face is so non-Caucasian that I end up smiling at my own reflection for a good 15 minutes every day. Sometimes, being so not white makes me late for work in that fashion. It’s worth it, though. Anything’s better than being one of those pale-skinned, big-eared monkey people.

I should go on a killing spree and find that kid, the one who called me white. We’ll see how funny he is when I beat him with a pillowcase full of dead white people.

Everywhere I go it’s white, white, white. These honkeys are everywhere. They’re cleaning my apartment building, they’re pumping my gas, they’re drying my car at the car wash. I can’t stand looking at the ugly maggots.

Now we’re even starting to see these people on television commercials. What happened to the old days, back in the 40s and 50s, when we didn’t have to look at all these ugly white people on television? Equality has gone too far for my tastes!

The principal at my old high school is white now, too. It was never that way back when I was there. These crackers are taking over everything, from Hollywood movies to sporting events. It seems you can’t watch a single baseball, football or basketball game without seeing a whole bunch of ugly honkeys all over the field or court.

Baseball has John Rocker, Chuck Knoblauch and Mike Piazza. Football has Drew Bledsoe and Brett Favre. Basketball has John Stockton and Christian Laettner. I agree, Christian Laettner is a great athlete, but for Christ’s sake, how many white people do we really need on these teams? With all these white people in sports, is this really an accurate example of the diversity seen in daily life?

To put it plainly, those chalk people make me sick. We should deport every last one of them from this damn country, and up the funding for border control so these pale-skinned bastards can’t just walk on in from Ireland, Italy, and France. I tell you, I curse the day we ever allowed white people to sit at the front of our buses. Life in this country has gone downhill ever since.