Everybody hates me, and I think it's great!

Don't get mad, reader. Yesterday's column was just a fun joke. Well, maybe you didn't find it funny, and maybe the 600 people at Fark.com who read it as if it were a real news item didn't find it funny, but I'll tell you who did find it funny: Ian Talty.

Yes, believe it or not, there was one random faithful reader who actually found my fake "Barbara Bush is dead" column funny and told me so, and I commend him for being so bold. No one else, besides myself, was willing to stand by their decision to laugh at the sick feat of faking someone's death to hundreds of people. I found the column, and the angry mob-like aftermath that followed it, to be freakin' hilarious. And frankly, if even one person found the column funny, then it was worth it. I use a wide array of comedy styles on this website, and every once in a while there will be one you don't agree with. I didn't know this particular style would prove unpopular with 99.9% of you, but that makes it all the better for the other .1%.

I dreamt up the plan for yesterday's column on Sunday morning. My theory was simple. Fark.com is a website that posts links. Most of the links are weird news, but breaking news is also posted. While there are moderators on Fark who make sure links are entertaining and news items are accurate, there's also something called "Totalfark", which is a $5 subscription service that allows people to see all submitted links, even the ones not approved by moderators. This was the key to my little prank.

I submitted a link to Fark for yesterday's fake Barbara Bush column, presenting it as a news item. I knew full well that Fark moderators would search the web for verification of Barbara Bush's death, wouldn't find it, and would not approve the link. But I also knew the link would show up on Totalfark as if it were a real news item. I wasn't sure how many members totalfark had, but I knew there would be at least a little bit of chaos. Seeing how there were 300 unique visitors from totalfark to yesterday's column, I'd say the prank was a rousing success.

But let's get back to the fake Barbara Bush column. For those of you with a keen eye for detail, it was probably pretty easy to tell yesterday's column was a fake. It was carefully constructed so those of you with some knowledge of Barbara Bush, or the ambition to look up any of the facts I presented, could tell the article was bogus. Here's the clues that proved the column to be a fake:

• Both the "Neema Children's Center" and the "Naperville Vietnam Veterans Coalition Foundation", which I claimed Barbara was a big contributor to, are charities that have been in the news for being big scams. Obviously, Barbara was never involved with them, and one search on Google for either of the charity group names will bring up websites warning you of the scams.

• The Barbara Bush Foundation for Family Literacy is real, but the link I provided redirects you not to the group's website, but to a silly flash cartoon of a happy guy with little bouncy white creatures that collapse and spew blood out their mouths. It's very amusing.

• The name of Barbara's autobiography, "Barbara Bush: A Memoir" was correct, but my statement that she suffered from a learning disorder, and couldn't read until fourth grade, was made up. I'm willing to bet Barbara probably would not find that joke amusing.

• Barbara did have a radio show, but it was called "Mrs. Bush's Story Time", and it wasn't cancelled after a year because of low ratings. I'm not sure when the show ended, but I assume it was sometime after George H. Bush left the White House.

• Barbara was born on June 8, 1925, but her hometown was Rye, NY, not Cape Cheektowaga, NY. I made up that town name. I don't think I've ever heard of a cape being named after a Native American tribe.

• Robin Bush, Barbara's first child, died of Leukemia, not whooping cough. Barbara also never had sons named "Wally" or "Stew", and she certainly never had a daughter named "Tatiana". Barbara isn't exactly the type of person who would name one of her kids "Tatiana". The real names of the Bush kids (besides George W. and Jeb) are Marvin, Neil, and Dorothy.

Some of those clues were easy to see, and some were not. I was surprised that no one even mentioned the false link, or the name "Tatiana". Most of the people from Fark saw the column as fake, and one of them, "mtbhucker", noticed the wrong names of the Bush sons. Kudos to him or her. If you'd like to see the rest of the comments posted on totalfark about yesterday's column, I took the liberty of paying for a $5 subscription, and have collected the comments here for your perusal. It's rather interesting to see the progression of the comments from uncertainty to conspiracy theory sharing, to realization that it was a hoax. I've also added some remarks of my own (marked in red) to some of their comments.

I found it particularly fitting that some of the last comments on totalfark were from two people joking about having sex with Barbara Bush. So while farkers may think I'm a jerk, they're still my kind of people.

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Reader Comments

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Heather      Aug 16, 2005 • 8:44pm   I think ur colums are awesome bec      Jan 14, 2004 • 5:08am   Awesome. Scapegoat of the Universe      Jan 13, 2004 • 4:01pm   Once again, well done. There's nothing better than a good internet prank, and you pulled off a good one. Kudos to you, sir. And kudos again. Paul Ryan      Jan 13, 2004 • 3:02pm   I had to change the number in the first paragraph. Upon checking my counter, it was 596 unique visitors from Fark yesterday. Katers      Jan 13, 2004 • 2:46pm   Only Paul would concoct a scheme to fool hundreds of Internet surfers into thinking H's wife had died. Only Paul. I think psychological help would not be a waste of time . . . jen      Jan 13, 2004 • 2:32pm   The part where "this charity has been successful in keeping the spread of AIDS among the African people to a minimum" was a pretty big tipoff, too. This prank was good times, good times. Aaron J. Brown      Jan 13, 2004 • 12:56pm   Well, I can't really encourage this sort of thing, but it sure was edgy. You just f'ed up some future Internet-surfing eighth grader's history report though. Fluck      Jan 13, 2004 • 9:59am   What a waste of time mindwalker      Jan 13, 2004 • 7:31am   Paul, you have a twisted mind. I enjoy it. Jon      Jan 13, 2004 • 5:49am   Heh, heh...I must admit, that was a really ingenious prank.

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