Pussy fight 2004!

Here at Daily Ramblings, I pride myself on bringing you the very best in lackluster entertainment. So when I say it's time for "Pussy fight 2004", you can bet the title is referring to both a woman dressed as a cat and a man being metaphorically compared to a vagina. What can I say? I don't spend my entire life searching for such great topics, I just have a gift for finding them.

, involves Hollywood neighbors Julie Newmar and Jim Belushi. You may remember Newmar as the Catwoman in the 1960s Batman TV series. Y'know, the one where everyone dressed in Elton John-esque outfits and all the evil henchmen were off-broadway backup dancers who couldn't walk without prancing? Yes, that's the one! It's okay, I won't tell anyone you still watch reruns of it.

You may remember Belushi from his retch-inducing sitcom, "According to Jim". Each week, Belushi's character struggles with such humorous and thought-provoking issues as "Oh no, my son likes the Packers instead of the Bears" and "Oh no, I lost my truck in an arm wrestling match. No, really. Those are real episodes. I'm anxiously awaiting the next new episode, which will probably involve a 22 minute discussion about whether to use paste or gel style toothpaste.

The battle between former pussy Newmar and eternal pussy Belushi apparently stems from Newmar harassing him by playing loud music, wrecking his fence, and talking smack about him to the neighbors. Belushi is seeking $4 million for emotional distress and damage to his career. The article does not specify what Newmar said to Belushi's neighbors, but since it was something that hurt his reputation, I can only imagine she told the neighbors to watch "According to Jim".

One of the more humorous parts of the news article was this line: "A telephone number for Newmar, who played Catwoman in the 1960s television series Batman, was not immediately available." Are you serious? That bitch hasn't worked since she did an episode of CHiPs in 1977!

Oh, wait. I'm sorry. She also did a 1988 movie titled, "Nudity Required". My bad. (IMDB notes that if you liked "Nudity Required", you should also try "Where the Boys Aren't 3")

But enough about Newmar and Belushi. Perhaps we could get some other 1960s Batman villains to fight with washed-up b-list celebrities. How about The Penguin and Bea Arthur? It would be the kinkiest b-list celebrity fight ever! They both have canes, and while The Penguin looks creepy with his mask, top hat, bowtie, and cigarette holder, Arthur could also creep out onlookers with dirty jokes and tales of her sexual adventures during the "Golden Girls" years.

For the record, I'd like to state that I have no idea why Arthur is posing like Vanilla Ice. Perhaps there is some "word to yo mother" connection I'm missing.

But what about a fight pitting The Joker against Chuck Norris? Both are skilled in throwing fake punches, and I think Norris would benefit from the addition of cartoon-like "POW!" and "BAM!" bubbles whenever he hit someone. I also think Norris would be an excellent choice to play The Joker if a new Batman live-action TV show is made. Just imagine the mask from The Joker on Norris. Instant ratings, folks. Instant ratings.

Be on the lookout for Pussy Fight 2004 near you, reader. According to Belushi's lawyers, Pussy Fight 2004 won't end "until Newmar stops being such a huge bitch."

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Reader Comments

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8berse6      Apr 6, 2006 • 12:22am   How dare you say theat Chuck Norris is a pussy? If you want to see a pussy look in the mirror. I should e-mail Chuck Norris about this and we should both go over there and kick you ass. Tony      Nov 8, 2004 • 11:27pm   You just had to drag Bea Arthur through the dirt with you, didn't you Paul? You filthy pig.

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