|
'Rate the Bachelors!' with Bob & Bill Paul Ryan Bill Dickles: Hello, shallow and pathetic excuses for human beings! Welcome to our celebrity bachelor auction, where America's hottest hunks will compete to get the highest bids. I'm Bill Dickles. Bob Feenie: Yes, it's a disgustingly chauvinistic event for the bidders, and a pathetic cry for attention from the bachelors themselves, but it's all for a good cause. The bids are going to charities for needy children. I'm Bob Feenie. Bill: Uh, no. No, that's incorrect, Bob. The bachelors will actually just keep the money. Bob: Really? I thought it was for charity. Bill: No, the promoters just said that to make viewers feel better about themselves. I mean, look at the bidders, Bob. Would you date one of them without getting paid? No sir! They're all waify, over-tanned housewives who've had so many facelifts, they make smiling look like a disease! Bob: Well, their saggy tits are poking out the bottom of their capri pants, Bill. But let's take a look at our bachelors. The first is Scott Baio, who is known for his popular 1980s television series, "Charles in Charge" . Bill: I hear he has a tremendous penis, Bob. Bob: And how! Why else would Heather Locklear date him? But he's tired of getting dates because of his schlong, Bill. Bill: Uh-oh! Bob: Hi-yo! Bill: UH-OH! HA HA HA!! Bob: That's right, tonight he's dating because he needs the money. He's really strutting it up for our bidders out there, one of whom is country music star Kenny Rogers. Bill: Ooooh, the gambler! Is he gay, Bob? Bob: Not that I know of, Bill. But he is known as the gambler, so perhaps he's just curious. Or maybe he's just looking for a saggy-titted, over-tanned-and-ready-for-skin-cancer housewife in the crowd? Bill: If that's the case, why not just call Dolly Parton? Bob: Good call, Bill! But let's move on to our second bachelor, Malcolm in the Middle star Frankie Muniz. The ladies love a mature man who looks like a nine-year-old boy, don't they Bill? Bill: They sure do, Bob! And I hear Frankie Muniz has a tremendous penis. Bob: Did you just make that up for no apparent reason, Bill? Bill: I sure did, Bob! Bob: FAN-tastic! Bill: Ha ha!! Bob: YES SIR! Bill: Harvest my balls of nougat, Farmer Ray! Bob: Our third and final bachelor is Paul Ryan, a social retard who runs an unpopular and pessimistic website called "Daily Ramblings". However, he does have some redeeming qualities. Bill: I can't wait, Bob! Bob: He is able to- Bill: I CAN'T WAIT! Bob: Right. Okay. Paul Ryan is sure to be sought after by our bidders tonight, Bill. For starters, he can legally drive an automobile in both Minnesota and Wisconsin. No DWI's for this fella! That's gotta be a highlight for a lot of our midwestern followers, Bill. Bill: I'm sorry, Bob, I'm not from the midwest. Is not getting a DWI there worthy of a prize or something? Bob: You bet, Bill! In the rural areas, most of us try to live on the edge of two, possibly even three states, so we can get multiple drunken driving violations before we have to use public transportation. Bill: But you can drink on the bus, can't ya Bob? Bob: You sure can, Bill! That's why public transportation is so popular on the coasts. Now, I have to mention that you've been pretty quiet regarding this bachelor. Do you have anything to say anything about Paul Ryan's penis size, Bill? Bill: I don't want to embarass him, Bob. Bob: Understandable, Bill. My wife has the same problem when she's fucking my brother. Bill: What? Bob: Whoa, hey! It's time for us to go. Tune in next week to find out who gets the highest bid! Bill: Wait, what did you say about your wife? Bob: Goodbye, and have a pleasant evening!
Warning: date() expects parameter 2 to be long, string given in /home/fuddes/public_html/ramblings/comments/includes/commenter/~genBody.php on line 11 Warning: date() expects parameter 2 to be long, string given in /home/fuddes/public_html/ramblings/comments/includes/commenter/~genBody.php on line 11 Warning: date() expects parameter 2 to be long, string given in /home/fuddes/public_html/ramblings/comments/includes/commenter/~genBody.php on line 11
| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
This is one of The Gossip's best songs, though it's off an older album. Their lead singer sounds like a modern day Mama Cass, and I don't mean that as a joke. The woman has a great voice. Unfortunately, she's backed by a guitarist who's rather amateurish and repetitive. You'll love this song's guitar riff, though, even if it is simple.
