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• Columns #808-present
• Columns #481-#807
• Columns #448-#480
• Columns #38-#447 (Unavailable)
• Columns #35-#37
• Column #33-#34
• Column #28
• Columns #19-#27 & #29-#32
• Column #18
• Column #17
• Column #15
• Column #14
• Guest columnist (Count Chocula)
• Guest speaker (William H. Taft)
• Guest speaker (Martin Luther King Jr.)
• Guest columnist (Dennis Kempton)
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• Guest columnist (Kate Houlihan 2)
• Guest columnist (Kate Houlihan)
• Guest columnist (Meghan Finley 2)
• Guest columnist (Meghan Finley)
• Guest columnist generic

• Column #859 (Masturbation tool: Natalie)
• Column #859 (Masturbation tool: Highlights)
• Column #859 (Masturbation tool: Ranger Rick owls issue)
• Column #859 (Masturbation tool: Sears catalog)
• Column #859 (Masturbation tool: Cartoon characters)
• Column #859 (Masturbation tool: School yearbook)
• Column #859 (Masturbation tool: Cosmo)
• Column #859 (Masturbation tool: Sexy Stangs)
• Column #859 (Masturbation tool: National Geographic)
• Column #855 (Tiger Beat magazine)
• Column #854 (San Fran seagull)
• Column #854 (San Fran cobblestone)
• Column #854 (San Fran flowers)
• Column #854 (San Fran bus cables)
• Column #854 (San Fran fountain)
• Column #854 (San Fran parking garage)
• Column #854 (San Fran crookedest street)
• Column #854 (San Fran Haight Ashbury streetcorner)
• Column #854 (San Fran Golden Gate Bridge at night)
• Column #854 (San Fran tube to Alameda)
• Column #854 (San Fran toilets)
• Column #854 (San Fran Oakland Grand Lake theater)
• Column #854 (San Fran Haight Ashbury skateboarder)
• Column #854 (San Fran Haight Ashbury hippies)
• Column #854 (San Fran Haight Ashbury buildings)
• Column #854 (San Fran Haight Ashbury sign)
• Column #854 (San Fran socialist bookstore)
• Column #854 (San Fran booze bottle)
• Column #854 (San Fran nighttime signs)
• Column #854 (San Fran Golden Gate Bridge)
• Column #854 (San Fran plaid bedsheets)
• Column #854 (San Fran skyline)
• Column #853 (Donald Rumself: Competent or not?)
• Column #850 (The Alamo is full of smelly whores)
• Column #849 (Drunk girl)
• Column #848 (JCPenney budget bachelor auction)
• Column #847 (Emporio Armani cologne)
• Column #843 (Sesame Street messenger 46)
• Column #843 (Sesame Street messenger 45)
• Column #843 (Sesame Street messenger 44)
• Column #843 (Sesame Street messenger 43)
• Column #843 (Sesame Street messenger 42)
• Column #843 (Sesame Street messenger 41)
• Column #843 (Sesame Street messenger 40)
• Column #843 (Sesame Street messenger 39)
• Column #843 (Sesame Street messenger 38)
• Column #843 (Sesame Street messenger 37)
• Column #843 (Sesame Street messenger 36)
• Column #843 (Sesame Street messenger 35)
• Column #843 (Sesame Street messenger 34)
• Column #843 (Sesame Street messenger 33)
• Column #843 (Sesame Street messenger 32)
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• Column #843 (Sesame Street messenger 27)
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• Column #843 (Sesame Street messenger 22)
• Column #843 (Sesame Street messenger 21)
• Column #843 (Sesame Street messenger 20)
• Column #843 (Sesame Street messenger 19)
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• Column #843 (Sesame Street messenger 16)
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• Column #839 (Downtown Brown vs. Funkafyin' Ryan)
• Column #837 (Gay item 7)
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• Column #833 (Paul's goofy headshots 7)
• Column #833 (Paul's goofy headshots 6)
• Column #833 (Paul's goofy headshots 5)
• Column #833 (Paul's goofy headshots 4)
• Column #833 (Paul's goofy headshots 3)
• Column #833 (Paul's goofy headshots 2)
• Column #833 (Paul's goofy headshots 1)
• Column #830 (Gadget - Rescue Rangers)
• Column #830 (April O' Neil - TMNT)
• Column #824 (San Miguel beer)
• Column #820 (Jesus w/ Diners Club card)
• Column #806 (Al Franken video cap)
• Column #806 (Paul Ryan with Al Franken)
• Column #805 (Natural gas thief)
• Column #801 (Benji Madden drunk)
• Column #801 (Nicole Richie too skinny)
• Column #801 (Walk of Fame losers)
• Column #801 (Jon Favreau fat)
• Column #801 (Paul McCartney senile)
• Column #801 (Ashlee Simpson dumb blonde)
• Column #801 (Jimmy Kimmel drunk)
• Column #798 (Girls Gone Wild: Dead Bitches)
• Column #793 (George W. Bush scowling)
• Column #793 (City Pages)
• Column #793 (Daunte Culpepper)
• Column #792 (The Count & Ernie gay photo)
• Column #792 (Count Chocula & Frankenberry tabloid photo)
• Column #789 (Craig's List parody)
• Column #785 (Message for my roommates)
• Column #785 (Sticky hands cereal prize)
• Column #782 (Aesthetic Apparatus artwork/posters)
• Column #778 (Lift bridge in Duluth, MN)
• Column #776 (Playboys in ceiling)
• Column #776 (Nasty ceiling)
• Column #776 (Curse word on ceiling)
• Column #776 (Boring ceiling)
• Column #776 (Blue building in Minneapolis)
• Column #776 (Paul as a construction worker)
• Column #774 (President Bush in New Orleans)
• Column #773 (My rustic bedroom in Burnsville, MN)
• Column #771 (Jamie Lynn Spears signing a baseball)
• Column #769 (Anthony Michael Hall)
• Column #762 (Duluth, MN's Norshor Theatre)
• Column #754 (Ave Maria)
• Column #754 (Tom Monaghan)
• Column #753 (2005 Warped Tour 9: Valient Thorr video cap)
• Column #753 (2005 Warped Tour 8: Valient Thorr yet again)
• Column #753 (2005 Warped Tour 7: Valient Thorr again)
• Column #753 (2005 Warped Tour 6: Valient Thorr)
• Column #753 (2005 Warped Tour 5: Kinison)
• Column #753 (2005 Warped Tour 4: Motion City Soundtrack)
• Column #753 (2005 Warped Tour 3: Riverboat Gamblers again)
• Column #753 (2005 Warped Tour 2: Riverboat Gamblers)
• Column #753 (2005 Warped Tour 1: Festival area)
• Column #750 (Paul's license 9)
• Column #750 (Paul's license 8)
• Column #750 (Paul's license 7)
• Column #750 (Paul's license 6)
• Column #750 (Paul's license 5)
• Column #750 (Paul's license 4)
• Column #750 (Paul's license 3)
• Column #750 (Paul's license 2)
• Column #750 (Paul's license 1)
• Column #749 (Tim Pawlenty)
• Column #748 (Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper)
• Column #748 (Sierra Mist Free)
• Column #748 (7up Plus)
• Column #748 (Pepsi Edge)
• Column #748 (Coca-Cola C2)
• Column #748 (Coca-Cola Zero)
• Column #748 (Diet Coke with Splenda)
• Column #748 (Diet Pepsi with Lime)
• Column #748 (Diet Coke with Lemon)
• Column #748 (Diet Coke with Lime)
• Column #744 (Panasonic RX-5350 boombox)
• Column #744 (SHARP VZ-V20 boombox)
• Column #744 (Marantz PMS 6000 boombox)
• Column #744 (Sony WM-W800 Walkman)
• Column #744 (Radio Shack Stereomate boombox)
• Column #744 (Sharp VZ-2000 boombox)
• Column #744 (Aiwa TPR-850 boombox)
• Column #744 (Panasonic RS-466S boombox)
• Column #744 (Marantz Superscope boombox)
• Column #741 (Police report 2)
• Column #741 (Police report 1)
• Column #737 (Paul shaving)
• Column #732 (Howie Mandel)
• Column #731 (Guy in suit holding beer)
• Column #730 (Adoption greeting card)
• Column #730 (Fuck you greeting card)
• Column #730 (Abortion greeting card)
• Column #730 (Viagra greeting card)
• Column #730 (Military draft greeting card)
• Column #730 (Jailbait greeting card)
• Column #730 (Incest greeting card)
• Column #730 (Unplanned pregnancy greeting card)
• Column #723 (Abe Vigoda, Jerry Lewis, Hilter)
• Column #722 (Gay book: Richard Simmons)
• Column #722 (Gay book: Tarzan twins)
• Column #722 (Gay book: Sean Hannity)
• Column #722 (Gay book: Fudge book)
• Column #722 (Gay book: San Francisco guide)
• Column #722 (Gay book: The Hardy Boys)
• Column #722 (Gay book: Ciao Tuscany)
• Column #722 (Gay book: Men's figure skating)
• Column #722 (Gay book: Batman and Robin)
• Column #722 (Gay book: Peter Pan)
• Column #721 (I ain't gotta write shit)
• Column #717 (Bad house 5)
• Column #717 (Bad house 4)
• Column #717 (Bad house 3)
• Column #717 (Bad house 2)
• Column #717 (Bad house 1)
• Column #717 (Paul Ryan Contractors, Inc.)
• Column #714 (Britney Spears smoking)
• Column #714 (The Federspear)
• Column #711 (Kenny Rogers skydiving)
• Column #711 (Owl vagina)
• Column #711 (Misha Barton penis)
• Column #711 (Victory penis)
• Column #711 (Dick Cheney jizzing)
• Column #706 (Columnist Sam Cook all greased up)
• Column #702 (Paul's mug shot)
• Column #701 (The Simple Life)
• Column #701 (King of the Hill)
• Column #701 (George Lopez)
• Column #701 (Listen Up)
• Column #701 (America's Funniest Home Videos)
• Column #701 (Committed)
• Column #701 (According to Jim)
• Column #701 (The Real World)
• Column #701 (Mr. Show)
• Column #701 (Newsradio)
• Column #701 (Upright Citizens' Brigade)
• Column #701 (Sifl & Olly)
• Column #701 (Richard Simmons' Dream Maker)
• Column #701 (Sports Night)
• Column #701 (Space Ghost)
• Column #701 (Greg the Bunny)
• Column #701 (Andy Richter Controls the Universe)
• Column #700 (Arno's 2005 NCAA picks)
• Column #700 (Arno profile shot)
• Column #700 (Bernd's 2005 NCAA picks)
• Column #700 (Bernd profile shot)
• Column #700 (Benno's 2005 NCAA picks)
• Column #700 (Benno profile shot)
• Column #700 (Hans' 2005 NCAA picks)
• Column #700 (Hans profile shot)
• Column #700 (Paul's 2005 NCAA picks)
• Column #700 (Paul profile shot)
• Column #699 (CJ is a dong)
• Column #699 (Gas station cologne dispenser)
• Column #694 (Gremlin Popemobile)
• Column #693 (My new house)
• Column #693 (Home ownership pie chart)
• Column #692 (My twin brother, Pual)
• Column #689 (Office note 10)
• Column #689 (Office note 9)
• Column #689 (Office note 8)
• Column #689 (Office note 7)
• Column #689 (Office note 6)
• Column #689 (Office note 5)
• Column #689 (Office note 4)
• Column #689 (Office note 3)
• Column #689 (Office note 2)
• Column #689 (Office note 1)
• Column #688 (Cory Feldman and hot wife)
• Column #688 (Jesus vs. Corey Feldman)
• Column #687 (Dangers of Valentine's Day)
• Column #685 (Ian Talty)
• Column #682 (Groundhog/pirates)
• Column #676 (Martin Luther King Jr.)
• Column #675 (Sunglasses 10)
• Column #675 (Sunglasses 9)
• Column #675 (Sunglasses 8)
• Column #675 (Sunglasses 7)
• Column #675 (Sunglasses 6)
• Column #675 (Sunglasses 5)
• Column #675 (Sunglasses 4)
• Column #675 (Sunglasses 3)
• Column #675 (Sunglasses 2)
• Column #675 (Sunglasses 1)
• Column #674 (iMolest)
• Column #674 (iWork Pages)
• Column #674 (Mac Mini)
• Column #674 (iPod Shuffle)
• Column #673 (Cam 15: Roundabout in Bielawa, Poland)
• Column #673 (Cam 14: Kilmarnock, UK)
• Column #673 (Cam 13: Austrian torture room, Graz, Austria)
• Column #673 (Cam 12: Dr. Evil's lair)
• Column #673 (Cam 11: Psycho rotating doll)
• Column #673 (Cam 10: Back room at a zoo)
• Column #673 (Cam 9: Japanese porn shop)
• Column #673 (Cam 8: Someone's stuffed animals)
• Column #673 (Cam 7: Some random shoreline)
• Column #673 (Cam 6: Corn Palace)
• Column #673 (Cam 5: Mystery place)
• Column #673 (Cam 4: Raekoja Plats, Tallin, Estonia)
• Column #673 (Cam 3: Chamberry, France)
• Column #673 (Cam 2: Japanese Christmas square)
• Column #673 (Cam 1: Japanese trains)
• Column #671 (Goldie Hawn/Kate Hudson)
• Column #669 (Customer service chart)
• Column #669 (Customer service representative Joyce)
• Column #667 (Dog poop calendar 5)
• Column #667 (Dog poop calendar 4)
• Column #667 (Dog poop calendar 3)
• Column #667 (Dog poop calendar 2)
• Column #667 (Dog poop calendar 1)
• Column #666 (DHL sucks)
• Column #665 (Scary clown, Brooke Burke)
• Column #665 (Smiley E! hosts)
• Column #663 (Christmas Caper 2004 3)
• Column #663 (Christmas Caper 2004 2)
• Column #663 (Christmas Caper 2004 1)
• Column #662 (Polish jerk 4)
• Column #662 (Polish jerk 3)
• Column #662 (Polish jerk 2)
• Column #662 (Polish jerk 1)
• Column #661 (Rowan Atkinson, stuck tie)
• Column #661 (Aaron J. Brown file photo)
• Column #660 (Volvo YCC, car for women)
• Column #659 (Paul's wisdom teeth)
• Column #657 (Streaker 8)
• Column #657 (Streaker 7)
• Column #657 (Streaker 6)
• Column #657 (Streaker 5)
• Column #657 (Streaker 4)
• Column #657 (Streaker 3)
• Column #657 (Streaker 2)
• Column #657 (Streaker 1)
• Column #655 (Thanksgiving - maze)
• Column #655 (Thanksgiving - John Denver)
• Column #654 (Charlize Theron, "Monster")
• Column #654 (Kansas Senator Sam Brownback)
• Column #653 (ESPN anchor Stuart Scott)
• Column #652 (Northland's worst columnist award)
• Column #651 (Jim the realtor)
• Column #650 (My distribution manager - Michael Dinkins)
• Column #650 (My security person - Ali Saed Bin Ali El-Hoorie)
• Column #650 (My customer service person - Richard Peters)
• Column #650 (My tech support person - Ping Samsung)
• Column #650 (My attorney - Boo Boo)
• Column #650 (My marketer - Dick Jersey)
• Column #650 (My accountant - Carl Rubens)
• Column #648 (Pussy fight: Chuck Norris vs. Joker)
• Column #648 (Pussy fight: Bea Arthur vs. Penguin)
• Column #648 (Where the Boys Aren't)
• Column #648 (Pussy fight: Jim Belushi vs. Catwoman)
• Column #647 (Foreign newspaper 9)
• Column #647 (Foreign newspaper 8)
• Column #647 (Foreign newspaper 7)
• Column #647 (Foreign newspaper 6)
• Column #647 (Foreign newspaper 5)
• Column #647 (Foreign newspaper 4)
• Column #647 (Foreign newspaper 3)
• Column #647 (Foreign newspaper 2)
• Column #647 (Foreign newspaper 1)
• Column #645 (Presidential choice 6)
• Column #645 (Presidential choice 5)
• Column #645 (Presidential choice 4)
• Column #645 (Presidential choice 3)
• Column #645 (Presidential choice 2)
• Column #645 (Presidential choice 1)
• Column #644 (Iraq war casualties)
• Column #642 (Aaron J. Brown)
• Column #640 (Ron Barron closeup)
• Column #640 (Ron Barron is pretty)
• Column #640 (Ron Barron)
• Column #639 (Colt 45 vs. Drano/Liquid Plumber)
• Column #638 (Medicare example)
• Column #637 (Vanilla Ice now)
• Column #637 (Vanilla Ice then)
• Column #636 (Chicago - metallic swirl)
• Column #636 (Chicago - billy goat's tavern)
• Column #636 (Chicago - millenium park)
• Column #636 (Chicago - hoe repair)
• Column #636 (Chicago - homeless)
• Column #636 (Chicago - skyline)
• Column #635 ("Paul visits Chicago" front page)
• Column #634 (Faribault teachers' memo)
• Column #632 (Bush coloring book work)
• Column #632 (Kerry coloring book work)
• Column #632 (Abe Vigoda)
• Column #631 (Jamaica shirt)
• Column #631 (Atari shirt)
• Column #631 (IZOD Lacoste shirt)
• Column #631 (William H. Taft is an idiot shirt)
• Column #631 (SEIBU shirt)
• Column #631 (Vote for Pedro shirt)
• Column #631 (Orange Crush shirt)
• Column #630 (Elias James Corey)
• Column #630 (Corey Feldman)
• Column #630 (Corey Haim)
• Column #629 (Fake game 6)
• Column #629 (Fake game 5)
• Column #629 (Fake game 4)
• Column #629 (Fake game 3)
• Column #629 (Fake game 2)
• Column #629 (Fake game 1)
• Column #629 (Really bad video games)
• Column #628 (Mary-Kate replacement 4)
• Column #628 (Mary-Kate replacement 3)
• Column #628 (Mary-Kate replacement 2)
• Column #628 (Mary-Kate replacement 1)
• Column #628 (Save Mary-Kate t-shirt)
• Column #626 (Johnny Ramone tribute)
• Column #625 (AR15A1)
• Column #625 (TEC-DC₉)
• Column #625 (XM-15 E2S)
• Column #625 (AK-47)
• Column #625 (Mac-10)
• Column #625 (Uzi)
• Column #623 (Before/after: John Kerry)
• Column #623 (Before/after: Al Gore)
• Column #623 (Before/after: homeless guy)
• Column #623 (Before/after: James Brown)
• Column #622 (Shitty Tour de France game 2)
• Column #622 (Shitty Tour de France game 1)
• Column #620 (Bush speech breakdown)
• Column #619 (Three nice shirts)
• Column #613 (New CIA hierarchy)
• Column #612 (Peter Jennings hipster website)
• Column #612 (Brian Williams tattoo)
• Column #612 (Stone Phillips PBR ad)
• Column #612 (Tom Brokaw pajamas)
• Column #612 (Dan Rather t-shirt)
• Column #611 (Kerri Walsh/Blossom)
• Column #611 (Adam Nelson/Bob Rooney 2)
• Column #611 (Adam Nelson/Bob Rooney 1)
• Column #611 (Niki Gudex/Mary Kate Olsen)
• Column #611 (Michael Phelps/Vanilla Ice)
• Column #611 (Michael Phelps/Gheorghe Muresan)
• Column #611 (Marion Jones/Cuba Gooding Jr.)
• Column #611 (Tony Azevedo/Matthew McConaughey)
• Column #611 (Jennie Finch/Jenna Jameson)
• Column #611 (Paul Hamm/Alfalfa)
• Column #610 (Superbabies promo 3)
• Column #610 (Superbabies promo 2)
• Column #610 (Superbabies promo 1)
• Column #607 (Apple crisp)
• Column #606 (Stinky the skunk)
• Column #605 (Mr. T trading card)
• Column #604 (Badgers pee on their friends)
• Column #603 (Overflowing mailbox)
• Column #599 (Epilepsy is fun)
• Column #598 (Paul's grandfather's garage)
• Column #598 (Paul's grandfather)
• Column #597 (Send Paul beer)
• Column #596 (Popeye cartoon)
• Column #595 (Visit Iran!)
• Column #593 (Sandwich in the hallway)
• Column #593 (Sandwich package 4)
• Column #593 (Sandwich package 3)
• Column #593 (Sandwich package 2)
• Column #593 (Sandwich package 1)
• Column #591 (Vote or oatmeal!)
• Column #589 (Anus Freely is not a real band)
• Column #589 (Ace of Base sucks)
• Column #587 (James Bond girls)
• Column #585 (Kate's fake wedding invite)
• Column #583 (Wheezy from the Jeffersons)
• Column #583 (Jeffersons background image)
• Column #582 (Kitten in a bag)
• Column #581 (Typical reader 3)
• Column #581 (Typical reader 2)
• Column #581 (Typical reader 1)
• Column #581 (Stressed out Paul)
• Column #580 (Newspaper column about fireworks)
• Column #579 (I want more cowbell)
• Column #578 (Old people protest 2)
• Column #578 (Old people protest 1)
• Column #577 (Urinal 4)
• Column #577 (Urinal 3)
• Column #577 (Calvin in the toilet comic)
• Column #577 (Urinal 2)
• Column #577 (Urinal 1)
• Column #576 (Herb Bergson)
• Column #575 (Dumb website warning)
• Column #575 (Dumb Froot Loops warning)
• Column #575 (Dumb IE warning)
• Column #575 (Dumb Abercrombie warning)
• Column #575 (Dumb Wrigley's gum warning)
• Column #575 (Dumb High Life warning)
• Column #575 (Dumb MGD warning)
• Column #573 (Crappy artwork)
• Column #573 (Hotel Wisconsin)
• Column #573 (Paul with fireworks)
• Column #573 (Ramada Inn stolen goods gift pack)
• Column #570 (Ladd Van Tol is ugly)
• Column #569 (Barfing gargoyle)
• Column #569 (Jackie Mason)
• Column #569 (Rain spout gargoyles)
• Column #569 (Cool gargoyles)
• Column #568 (My dad)
• Column #567 (Bad umpire)
• Column #567 (Dick Putz Field sign)
• Column #566 (Laura Ness is hot)
• Column #565 (Firefox bookmark separators)
• Column #565 (Firefox tabbed browsing)
• Column #565 (Firefox javascript preferences)
• Column #565 (Firefox searchbar)
• Column #565 (Firefox overall look)
• Column #565 (Firefox logo)
• Column #563 (Creed sucks 4)
• Column #563 (Creed sucks 3)
• Column #563 (Creed sucks 2)
• Column #563 (Creed sucks 1)
• Column #563 (King Vitaman cereal)
• Column #562 (Ray Charles memorial)
• Column #561 (Bazooka Joe sucks)
• Column #561 (Frank and Ernest sucks)
• Column #561 (Marmaduke sucks)
• Column #561 (Reverend Fun sucks)
• Column #561 (That's Life sucks)
• Column #561 (Garfield sucks)
• Column #561 (Judge Parker sucks)
• Column #561 (Cathy sucks)
• Column #561 (Fred Basset sucks)
• Column #561 (Ziggy sucks)
• Column #561 (Zippy the Pinhead sucks)
• Column #561 (The Family Circus sucks)
• Column #558 (Nancy Reagan note)
• Column #558 (Ronald Reagan's daughter)
• Column #556 (Work communication 12)
• Column #556 (Work communication 11)
• Column #556 (Work communication 10)
• Column #556 (Work communication 9)
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• Column #556 (Work communication 6)
• Column #556 (Work communication 5)
• Column #556 (Work communication 4)
• Column #556 (Work communication 3)
• Column #556 (Work communication 2)
• Column #556 (Work communication 1)
• Column #555 (Gloria Gaynor)
• Column #555 (Norman Rockwell)
• Column #555 (Jim "Catfish" Hunter)
• Column #555 (Willie Mays)
• Column #555 (Van Morrison)
• Column #555 (Gianni Versace)
• Column #555 (Stephan Jay Gould)
• Column #555 (Jack Kevorkian)
• Column #555 (John Glenn)
• Column #555 (Henry Finklestein IV)
• Column #555 (Henry Fonda)
• Column #555 (John Wayne)
• Column #555 (Hank Ketcham)
• Column #555 (R. Crumb)
• Column #555 (Adam Petty)
• Column #555 (Richard Petty)
• Column #551 (Cat Fancy magazine)
• Column #549 (Avril is ugly 8)
• Column #549 (Avril is ugly 7)
• Column #549 (Avril is ugly 6)
• Column #549 (Avril is ugly 5)
• Column #549 (Avril is ugly 4)
• Column #549 (Avril is ugly 3)
• Column #549 (Avril is ugly 2)
• Column #549 (Avril is ugly 1)
• Column #547 (Hoolius the Player)
• Column #546 (Motor oil and poop on car)
• Column #545 (Red Stripe beer abuse 2)
• Column #545 (Red Stripe beer abuse 1)
• Column #542 (Telethon 3)
• Column #542 (Telethon 2)
• Column #542 (Telethon 1)
• Column #542 (Ugly DR person 3)
• Column #542 (Ugly DR person 2)
• Column #542 (Ugly DR person 1)
• Column #542 (Flaming poo bag)
• Column #542 (Badger nuclear holocaust)
• Column #542 (Basie '81 CD)
• Column #540 (Steve Harvey coming soon?)
• Column #540 (Cheap version of website)
• Column #538 (Portrait of my mom 6)
• Column #538 (Portrait of my mom 5)
• Column #538 (Portrait of my mom 4)
• Column #538 (Portrait of my mom 3)
• Column #538 (Portrait of my mom 2)
• Column #538 (Portrait of my mom 1)
• Column #534 (Weathermen Underground group)
• Column #531 (Mark Russell reaction 18)
• Column #531 (Mark Russell reaction 17)
• Column #531 (Mark Russell reaction 16)
• Column #531 (Mark Russell reaction 15)
• Column #531 (Mark Russell reaction 14)
• Column #531 (Mark Russell reaction 13)
• Column #531 (Mark Russell reaction 12)
• Column #531 (Mark Russell reaction 11)
• Column #531 (Mark Russell reaction 10)
• Column #531 (Mark Russell reaction 9)
• Column #531 (Mark Russell reaction 8)
• Column #531 (Mark Russell reaction 7)
• Column #531 (Mark Russell reaction 6)
• Column #531 (Mark Russell reaction 5)
• Column #531 (Mark Russell reaction 4)
• Column #531 (Mark Russell reaction 3)
• Column #531 (Mark Russell reaction 2)
• Column #531 (Mark Russell reaction 1)
• Column #530 (Long John Silver's gift certificate)
• Column #530 (Lurch)
• Column #530 (Douche)
• Column #530 (Douche bag)
• Column #530 (John Kerry)
• Column #529 (Stupid cat 3)
• Column #529 (Stupid cat 2)
• Column #529 (Stupid cat 1)
• Column #528 (Eli Manning)
• Column #526 (P-bomb thug ad)
• Column #525 (DMV face)
• Column #523 (Ugly model 7)
• Column #523 (Ugly model 6)
• Column #523 (Ugly model 5)
• Column #523 (Ugly model 4)
• Column #523 (Ugly model 3)
• Column #523 (Ugly model 2)
• Column #523 (Ugly model 1)
• Column #519 (Tin foil hat)
• Column #515 (Dustin Diamond/Screech)
• Column #514 (Clown Abductor)
• Column #513 (Scary dentists 2)
• Column #513 (Scary dentists 1)
• Column #507 (Paul doing taxes 10)
• Column #507 (Paul doing taxes 9)
• Column #507 (Paul doing taxes 8)
• Column #507 (Paul doing taxes 7)
• Column #507 (Paul doing taxes 6)
• Column #507 (Paul doing taxes 5)
• Column #507 (Paul doing taxes 4)
• Column #507 (Paul doing taxes 3)
• Column #507 (Paul doing taxes 2)
• Column #507 (Paul doing taxes 1)
• Column #505 (GB³)
• Column #501 (Mickey's bottle)
• Column #501 (Killian's Irish Red bottle)
• Column #501 (Colt 45 can)
• Column #501 (Leine's Honey Weiss bottle)
• Column #501 (Pabst Blue Ribbon can)
• Column #501 (Summit Pale Ale bottle)
• Column #501 (Grolsch bottle)
• Column #501 (Sam Adams bottle)
• Column #501 (Mike's Hard Lime logo)
• Column #501 (Heineken bottle)
• Column #501 (Honorable mention beer)
• Column #501 (Young's Double Chocolate Stout bottle)
• Column #501 (Newcastle bottle)
• Column #501 (Murphy's Irish Stout can)
• Column #501 (Guinness can)
• Column #501 (Pilsner Urquell bottle)
• Column #500 (Sexy accountant 6)
• Column #500 (Sexy accountant 5)
• Column #500 (Sexy accountant 4)
• Column #500 (Sexy accountant 3)
• Column #500 (Sexy accountant 2)
• Column #500 (Sexy accountant 1)
• Column #499 (Pete Rose giving the finger)
• Column #499 (Billy Martin giving the finger)
• Column #499 (Kate giving the finger)
• Column #499 (John Ashcroft statue boobs)
• Column #496 (Glory t-shirt)
• Column #496 (Paul on a dogsled)
• Column #495 (Tennis ball modded walker)
• Column #494 (Avril Lavigne Minnesota mall concert 4)
• Column #494 (Avril Lavigne Minnesota mall concert 3)
• Column #494 (Avril Lavigne Minnesota mall concert 2)
• Column #494 (Avril Lavigne Minnesota mall concert 1)
• Column #491 (NyQuil Rag)
• Column #490 (Peter Jackson)
• Column #490 (Jamie Lee Curtis)
• Column #490 (Jim Carrey)
• Column #490 (Benicio Del Toro)
• Column #490 (Chris Connely)
• Column #490 (Sofia Coppola)
• Guest column #9 (Butt snorkeler)
• Guest column #8 (Non-ugly hot babe)
• Guest column #8 (Ugly Joe Lieberman)
• Guest column #8 (Ugly Dennis Kucinich)
• Guest column #8 (Ugly Wesley Clark)
• Guest column #8 (Ugly John Kerry)
• Guest column #8 (Ugly George W. Bush)
• Guest column #8 (Ugly Bill Clinton)
• Guest column #8 (Non-ugly Howard Dean)
• Guest column #8 (Ugly Ralph Nader)
• Guest column #8 (Ugly Al Sharpton)
• Column #489 (San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom)
• Column #488 (Schoolboard scene 5)
• Column #488 (Schoolboard scene 4)
• Column #488 (Schoolboard scene 3)
• Column #488 (Schoolboard scene 2)
• Column #488 (Schoolboard scene 1)
• Column #483 (Edwards rally 8)
• Column #483 (Edwards rally 7)
• Column #483 (Edwards rally 6)
• Column #483 (Edwards rally 5)
• Column #483 (Edwards rally 4)
• Column #483 (Edwards rally 3)
• Column #483 (Edwards rally 2)
• Column #483 (Edwards rally 1)
• Column #482 (Valentine 9)
• Column #482 (Valentine 8)
• Column #482 (Valentine 7)
• Column #482 (Valentine 6)
• Column #482 (Valentine 5)
• Column #482 (Valentine 4)
• Column #482 (Valentine 3)
• Column #482 (Valentine 2)
• Column #482 (Valentine 1)
• Column #478 (John Dukakis poll stats)
• Column #478 (John Dukakis banner)
• Column #477 (Front page of The Newspaper)
• Column #476 (Trick picture - NSFW)
• Column #476 (Rupert Poonine - NSFW)
• Column #476 (Areola)
• Column #476 (Nipple shield)
• Column #474 (Paul's MNA nametag)
• Column #473 (Waiter from Office Space)
• Column #471 (Musical note icon)
• Column #470 (assassination attempt on Paul)
• Column #470 (Soccer assassination attempt on Paul)
• Column #465 (Chuck Berry vinyl record)
• Column #465 (Burt Bacharach vinyl record)
• Column #465 (Gene Simmons vinyl record)
• Column #465 (Less Than Jake vinyl record)
• Column #465 (Flogging Molly vinyl record)
• Column #463 (Haircut 7)
• Column #463 (Haircut 6)
• Column #463 (Haircut 5)
• Column #463 (Haircut 4)
• Column #463 (Haircut 3)
• Column #463 (Haircut 2)
• Column #463 (Haircut 1)
• Column #457 (Sissy mini iPods)
• Column #456 (Get well CJ)
• Column #455 (Clay Aiken, before and after)
• Column #454 (My parents' Jell-O)
• Column #452 (Website on Internet phone)
• Column #449 (Armed Airport Guards)
• Column #448 (Gil Gutknecht)
• Column #443 (Saddam Hussein's hiding spot)
• Column #443 (Saddam Hussein)
• Column #443 (Match.com header)
• Column #442 (Barry Larkin, movie reviewer)
• Column #441 (Sent letter 2, year 2)
• Column #441 (Santa letter 1, year 2)
• Column #440 (Santa form, year 2)
• Column #439 (Poop factory)
• Column #438 (Beef jerky)
• Column #438 (Santa in car)
• Column #434 (Mary Kiffmeyer real)
• Column #434 (Mary Kiffmeyer fake)
• Column #432 (My brother's Christmas present)
• Column #432 (My dad's Christmas present)
• Column #432 (My Christmas present)
• Column #430 (Dead Rudolph)
• Column #430 (Aaron Brown best-selling book)
• Column #430 (Rudolph and Paul)
• Column #427 (Lesbian package 4)
• Column #427 (Lesbian package 3)
• Column #427 (Lesbian package 2)
• Column #427 (Lesbian package 1)
• Column #425 (Caramel Delite)
• Column #425 (Shortbread)
• Column #425 (Reduced Fat Lemon Pasty Creme)
• Column #425 (Pinata)
• Column #425 (Animal Treasures)
• Column #425 (Peanut Butter Sandwich box)
• Column #425 (Peanut Butter Sandwich)
• Column #425 (Thin Mint)
• Column #425 (Tagalong)
• Column #421 (David Fong's)
• Column #413 (Orson Welles)
• Column #412 (Halloween costume 11)
• Column #412 (Halloween costume 10)
• Column #412 (Halloween costume 9)
• Column #412 (Halloween costume 8)
• Column #412 (Halloween costume 7)
• Column #412 (Halloween costume 6)
• Column #412 (Halloween costume 5)
• Column #412 (Halloween costume 4)
• Column #412 (Halloween costume 3)
• Column #412 (Halloween costume 2)
• Column #412 (Halloween costume 1)
• Column #411 (Rod Roddy 3)
• Column #411 (Rod Roddy 2)
• Column #411 (Rod Roddy 1)
• Column #410 (Fat people for admirers)
• Column #399 (UWS apology letter)
• Column #398 (Radar detector)
• Column #396 (California is dumb wallpaper)
• Column #396 (California is dumb)
• Column #396 (Welcome to California)
• Column #388 (California governor candidate 6)
• Column #388 (California governor candidate 5)
• Column #388 (California governor candidate 4)
• Column #388 (California governor candidate 3)
• Column #388 (California governor candidate 2)
• Column #388 (California governor candidate 1)
• Column #386 (Fake bumper sticker 6)
• Column #386 (Bumper sticker 6)
• Column #386 (Fake bumper sticker 5)
• Column #386 (Bumper sticker 5)
• Column #386 (Fake bumper sticker 4)
• Column #386 (Bumper sticker 4)
• Column #386 (Fake bumper sticker 3)
• Column #386 (Bumper sticker 3)
• Column #386 (Fake bumper sticker 2)
• Column #386 (Bumper sticker 2)
• Column #386 (Fake bumper sticker 1)
• Column #386 (Bumper sticker 1)
• Column #384 (Good/bad parade float 2)
• Column #384 (Good/bad parade float 1)
• Column #384 (Crappy parade float)
• Column #383 (Happy b-day dad 2)
• Column #383 (Happy b-day dad 1)
• Column #381 (Aaron J. Brown with platypus)
• Column #381 (John Edwards)
• Column #381 (Jeebus Atwater)
• Column #380 (Man of Year nominee 4)
• Column #380 (Man of Year nominee 3)
• Column #380 (Man of Year nominee 2)
• Column #380 (Man of Year nominee 1)
• Column #374 (Scapegoat Ian Talty)
• Column #372 (Madonna pillow)
• Column #372 (Cheerleading pillow)
• Column #372 (Mr. Wonderful pillow)
• Column #371 (Hanley Finklestein IV/Paul Ryan)
• Column #371 (Trent Anders/Paul Ryan)
• Column #370 (Winning caricature)
• Column #370 (Losing caricature)
• Labor Day column
• Column #368 (Martin Luther King Jr. 5)
• Column #368 (Martin Luther King Jr. 4)
• Column #368 (Martin Luther King Jr. 3)
• Column #368 (Martin Luther King Jr. 2)
• Column #368 (Martin Luther King Jr. 1)
• Column #366 (Possible date 8)
• Column #366 (Possible date 7)
• Column #366 (Possible date 6)
• Column #366 (Possible date 5)
• Column #366 (Possible date 4)
• Column #366 (Possible date 3)
• Column #366 (Possible date 2)
• Column #366 (Possible date 1)
• Column #365 (Al Franken Amazon bestseller)
• Column #364 (While you were out 6)
• Column #364 (While you were out 5)
• Column #364 (Kenny G album)
• Column #364 (Klondike bars)
• Column #364 (While you were out 4)
• Column #364 (While you were out 3)
• Column #364 (While you were out 2)
• Column #364 (While you were out 1)
• Column #363 (Christina Aguilera e-mail)
• Column #360 (Caricature)
• Column #360 (Caricature small)
• Column #357 (George W. Bush doll)
• Column #353 (John Dukakis Internet ad)
• Column #353 (John Dukakis)
• Column #352 (Chris Onstad?)
• Column #349 (Floyd Dingleberry)
• Column #347 (Paul's dad, circa 1978)
• Column #341 (Rowan Atkinson)
• Column #340 (Oregon Trail 3)
• Column #340 (Oregon Trail 2)
• Column #340 (Oregon Trail 1)
• Column #339 (Unfaith)
• Column #338 (Colt 45)
• Column #338 (Valtrex)
• Column #338 (Depends diapers)
• Column #338 (Trojan condoms)
• Column #337 (Moustache Woman 4)
• Column #337 (Moustache Man 3)
• Column #337 (Moustache Man 2)
• Column #337 (Moustache Man 1)
• Column #323 (Power Mac G5)
• Column #321 (Response to postmaster)
• Column #321 (Postmaster note)
• Column #319 (Burt Reynolds Paul)
• Column #319 (Suspicious Paul)
• Column #319 (Angry Paul)
• Column #319 (New HCN picture)
• Column #319 (Old HCN picture)
• Column #319 (Dave Barry 2)
• Column #319 (Dave Barry 1)
• Column #319 (Dear Abby)
• Column #312 (Scaryornot.com rating)
• Column #312 (Ratemyimplants.com rating)
• Column #312 (Goateegallery.com rating)
• Column #312 (Picturemehot.com rating)
• Column #312 (Bangme.net rating)
• Column #312 (Howhotami.com rating)
• Column #312 (Hotornot.com rating)
• Column #309 (Tim Pawlenty article)
• Column #309 (Tim Pawlenty caption)
• Column #309 (Tim Pawlenty)
• Column #308 (FCC scumbags)
• Column #302 (Navy Jerks, by Tom Heuer)
• Column #301 (Dead Geoffrey the Giraffe)
• Column #296 (Ike Turner/Rowan Atkinson)
• Column #296 (Drive-by scene)
• Column #292 (Actor)
• Column #281 (Logitech MX700 cordless mouse)
• Column #281 (Penny Arcade Strawberry Shortcake parody)
• Guest Column #2 (Bob Ross disco dancing)
• Guest Column #2 (Bob Ross basketball)
• Guest Column #2 (Bob Ross vs. Godzilla)
• Guest Column #2 (Bob Ross painting)
• Guest Column #2 (Bob Ross actual)
• Column #277 (Don't punch kids sign)
• Column #273 (Inappropriate dance steps)
• Column #271 (Hewitt phone listing)
• Column #268 (HCN Column 7)
• Column #267 (Snapple Rain)
• Column #264 (Evil Bobblehead Alphonso)
• Column #262 (2003 NCAA picks)
• Column #261 (Bush in pink hat)
• Column #255 (Milk card)
• Column #254 (Patrick Ewing 2)